


It's Too Cold Outside

by Rhea1305



Category: Bleach
Genre: Death, Drug Abuse, F/M, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Prostitution, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-09-07
Updated: 2015-01-14
Packaged: 2017-11-13 18:09:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 19
Words: 28,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/506269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rhea1305/pseuds/Rhea1305
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A story based on true events. Hisagi leaves everything he's ever know to go looking for something he's lost. Told through letters and switching POV's. Slash, TRIGGER WARNINGS for: Drug Abuse, Character Death, Prostitution.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Renji

**Author's Note:**

> This story is quite personal and parts of it is true and written with the permission of that person. It's my tribute to a wonderful person who I knew for several years before drugs took over his life. But I'm glad I stayed with him right to the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: The events within this story are true to a extent. One of the characters is based on a real person and this story was written with their permission. Their story hasn't finished yet and I hope that I will be their friend until the end. I wanted to show how proud I am of my friend and this story is the best I can do. I know theres not much in this first chapter but the rest is coming. Rhea
> 
>  **Disclaimer:** I do not own the character, they belong to Tito Kubo. As for the plot, I took real life and added a small amount of artistic licence.
> 
> * * *

Renji,

I guess you'll be pissed when you read what I have to say.

I've gone looking for something I lost a while back. Something I need before I can live properly. Something I lost when the three Captains betrayed Soul Society.

For one of my closest friends, we were never particularly sentimental, in any way, shape or form. But I know that this won't be easy for you. It's not easy for me to leave you all. Just, don't do anything stupid or rash.

Look after Kira too. He'll take it hard. You're strong, so he'll come to you for help. Because he can't come to me anymore… and Renji, go to him too. You can't do everything on your own. If you need to, trust in him to be there.

Keep an eye on Momo and Rangiku as well. I'll be back as soon as I find whatever it is I've lost.

Shuuhei


	2. Kira

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So here's chapter two. I feel i should explain, you'll be getitng these letters for a few updates at least. Any complaints... well thats what a review button is for. Rhea
> 
> Dislaimer: It was on chapter one...

  
Kira,

Hurting you like this goes against everything I've ever thought about you. I've always looked on you are someone I needed to protect, from that first mission to the Living world to now. It's rather pointless, I guess. You're a fukutaichou, same as I am. You're as powerful and just as experienced. And yet, I still want to protect you from the pain that you will inevitably feel at my leaving.

When Ichimaru taichou betrayed Soul Society, you felt the same as I did. You didn't understand, you couldn't understand why they'd left us. Well, I'm not betraying you, and I will return, but I'm leaving just the same.

Keep an eye on Renji. I have no doubt that when he reads his letter he'll want to go on some grand escapade to bring me back. He'll need someone before I return: someone who understands. Someone he can turn to and admit, it's harder to face than he expected.

It'll be easier to explain to you why…at least I hope it will. I think you went through something similar, maybe not to the same degree, but it was similar. For me it was like a little piece of me disappeared. It was as if their betrayal had ripped it out of me, now I've gone to find something to fill the gap, I don't know how long it'll take, but I intend on coming back as soon as I find it.

For now, keep safe. I'd like you here to come back to.

Shuuhei


	3. Kensei

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Next Chapter is up. Posted these together because i thought it'd flow better. next chapter will have no Author's Note or Disclaimer, but i'll say everything i need to here. Read and review, tell me what you think. Is it a waste of time, or should i keep going? Rhea
> 
> Disclaimer: See ch1

My Dearest Kensei,

You won't understand what I've done. I know that. You might not forgive me either. You'll rant and be furious, but this is something I have to do.

Ever since we were betrayed by Aizen Taichou, Gin Taichou and… Tousen Taichou, my teacher, I've felt and emptiness, a hole inside me that I cannot fill. No matter how much I love you and want to never leave your side, I cannot help it. Tousen was the mentor that filled your gap. I came to the academy looking for the man who'd saved my life. I came to show him that I could find something better than Rukongai and I'd done something good with the life he'd saved. What I eventually found was that you weren't there. You'd fled soul Society with the other Vizards. And there was Tousen, the position filler. Now there's a gap and I need to find someone to fill his position. I've tried to find it here. I've looked and tried, but its not here…

I love you Kensei. With ever fibre of my being. Every part of me. Half of me is set on leaving to find what it is I need to fill this void. The the other half of me screams to stay here with you. To never leave your side, I want to stay with you. My Taichou. You've meant so much to me, I've carried your mark upon my face for my whole life, because even as I child I knew we were meant for something more than just a chance encounter. We were meant to be together. We weren't meant to be apart and it's tearing my heart out to do this.

But I need to and I need  _you_  to understand that. I need you to understand that this isn't for any other reason than to fix an old wound. An old scar that hasn't ever healed. I need you to understand, whatever happens now, is nothing to do with you. It's because I can't love you fully, until I'm whole myself.

I'll be home soon. When I'm whole and I can love you properly, because you deserve that. You deserve someone who can love you properly. I can do that. I just need to fix the hole.

I love you.

Forever yours,

Shuu


	4. Shinji

Shinji,

You're probably very confused about why I'm writing to you. In fact you won't understand it at all. Not yet anyway. You see, at about half eight this morning, a letter will be taken to Kensei. It's similar to this one and upon reading it, he will realise I am no longer there.

At the same time, another two people will sit down and find a similar letter. Those two people are the closest and most important people to me and those letters are my attempt to explain to them exactly what led me to make this decision.

You see, I've disappeared. It sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? I've disappeared… but it's the only way to explain it. I've taken all my money, packed a bag and left. I don't know where I'm going, I don't really care, but I have to leave. I need to find some part of myself that I've lost along the way. I can't explain it to you, there's not much point in trying. The why is not the reason I'm writing to you.

I'm writing to you because I know that Kensei, despite all my assurances that I'll come back and that i'll be alright, will panic. He won't understand why, how, or even when. It won't compute. Leaving him is the hardest part of this whole situation, but it's a must, not a want.

I don't want to leave him. I don't want to hurt him, even though I know I will. You're his best friend and all I need you to do, all I need from you is to look after him and help him through this. Don't let him fall too far, because I've left.

I love him Shinji; don't think for a second that I don't. I love him with all my heart, but I can't stay here. Not while I feel like this. I need to find whatever it is I've lost.

Look after him, make sure there's something for me to come back to.

Please…

Hisagi Shuuhei


	5. Rei

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was some interest in this so i'm finishing it off for you guys. This is a cross-post from ff.net, where it is listed under the same name. Hope you enjoy it.

The early morning mist hadn’t even begun to clear when Hisagi Shuuhei walked out of the Ninth Division’s barracks. Dressed in clothes that were more suited to the world of the living, black skinny jeans, converse and a large hooded coat, with a rucksack on his shoulders he moved carefully through the large entrance gates. As he walked Kazeshini, in its sealed form on his back, rattled gently between his back and the rucksack. 

He carefully made his way through Seireitei towards the Senkoman, keeping his gaze firmly fixed upon the ground, hiding from any noise and sticking to the shadows. Upon reaching the Gate to the Living World, he looked back, over his shoulder towards his barracks and closed his eyes. 

“I’m sorry Kensei,” he whispered, before opening the gate and walking into the blinding light, out of Soul Society and into a world, he knew very little about. 

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

In the corner of a derelict playground, a dark mound shifted away from noise of cars on the commute to work. Pulling the large coat further over her head, a young woman tried desperately to go back to sleep. 

After five minutes, she threw the coat off her head with all the strength she had. It was mid-December so the sun was an hour away from coming up and the orange glow of streetlights were all there was to show her to the world. 

It revealed a pathetic figure: white lips, pale skin, lank dark hair that needed a good wash, hollow cheeks and sunken eyes. Addiction had taken this woman and turned her into a beggar. Huddled beneath a thick coat that was ripped along more than one seam, she wore tattered gloves, muddy jeans, a grubby t-shirt and a sweatshirt that at some point had been white, but now bore the grey stain of something that had been washed and worn for a long time. 

She rubbed her palms into her eyes and rolled her shoulders, cracking every joint she could from her huddled position. Carefully she stood up and stretched her back, making sure to wrap the large coat around her before she got too cold. She looked around her, for any signs of humanity, other than the few cars moving up and down the road. There weren’t any, not even dog walkers so it was still early. Earlier than usual. 

It didn’t matter, usually her day was spent in a day dream, a mash of selling the Big Issue1, finding food, begging what she could and finding a place to sleep. Unless she’d saved enough money to get a hit, in which case, her night was spent in a haze in a dirty bathroom somewhere in the city. 

She grabbed the rucksack that was next to her, fastened the coat around her emaciated figure and started to walk towards the city that was just waking up. 

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

It was dark when Shuuhei exited the Senkoman. He’d made sure that he was far away from anyone who might know him. He knew that he had to find whatever he was looking for on his own and he needed to be far away from any chance of someone from Soul Society bringing him back before he’d found it……whatever it was.

The gate had closed behind him and he took a moment to take in his surroundings. It was a playground, empty and vandalised, close to a main road, where cars were starting to move towards the centre of the city. This he was certain of due to the road signs, directing him that way. He looked around the playground, noting the rust on the equipment and the graffiti on the walls. From the corner of his eye he saw, in the furthest, darkest corner, signs of someone living there… or had lived there. The grass was flattened and worn, there was a collection of food wrappers and upon closer inspection there was a small clear bag, which had, at some point, held a fine white powder. 

Hisagi quickly decided he needed to be as far away from here as he could. He needed to get somewhere warm. The cold air bit at his fingers and cheeks. He needed to think. 

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

The week had gone normally; the issues had sold well enough. The money was in her pocket. Almost enough to get a hit, just from one day. There was an easy way to make up the difference. It would only take once this time. One man, in one hotel.

Hiding down the side of a department store she threw her hand into the rucksack she carried everywhere and found the make up she’d shop lifted from numerous stores. Enough to make do and not get caught. No foundation, just mascara, eye liner and lipstick. She placed them in her pockets and walked down the alley towards the subway station. 

Once in the toilets she made herself up. Careful not to smudge or make any unnecessary marks that would waste what she had. It wasn’t easy; her hands were shaking, from the cold and the internal need for a high.

Upon leaving the toilets she caught sight of the clock on the board of departures. Half ten. Perfect timing. 

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Shuuhei had spent the first few days walking around the city. It was like any other. Numerous shades of grey, with hundreds of people, working, rushing, shopping and not caring much about the world around them. There was very little spiritual pressure in this city. Hollow attacks would be rare and mostly small ones looking for easy prey. He’d chosen well, in terms of making sure no one from Soul Society could find him. He wasn’t so sure that he’d be able to find what he was looking for, even though he wasn’t even sure he knew what it was he needed. 

After the first few days he’d discovered that the warmest places were in the small gaps between shops, in doorways or underpasses. So that was where he’d decided to settle for his fourth night in the living world. He had money but it wasn’t going to last forever and there didn’t seem to be any obvious choices of accommodation that he’d seen. Not that wouldn’t rob him blind and drain most of his money. He was, therefore, at a loss about what he was going to do, it had seemed like a good idea to just disappear, but in truth it would have been better if he’d thought about where he was going first. 

Wondering, up and down streets he searched for somewhere unoccupied and free from any aggressive looking people. He had Kazeshini hidden under his coat, and was not afraid of them, but it seemed imprudent to go hacking around with his Zampaktou if he wanted to stay off Soul Societies radar. 

Eventually he stumbled onto an empty underpass. It was well into the early hours of the morning, according to the clock on a Pharmacy sign, before he found somewhere he could settle. 

Setting his rucksack on the ground, he sat down in an alcove and opened his bag to find some food he’d packed and a blanket. Wrapping himself up in a ball and leaning against a wall, Hisagi slowly drifted into an uneasy sleep. 

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

As she rolled her shoulders and neck, click the joints into a more comfortable position, she realised she was not alone in the underpass. It was late in the day, about half eleven, but the underpass she’d settled in, didn’t get busy until the evening when the bars in the area opened. Usually in the day it was just students who came through, and even they were few and far between, most preferring to avoid the dark corridor in the winter. It might be colder and a little more dangerous walking over ground, but it was better than having to walk past the cities homeless. 

However, this was not a passer by; this was another, like herself. Homeless. She could see him from the corner of her eye, hidden slightly by the corner the T-Junction in the underpass created. 

She knew he’d not been homeless for long. He was too clean and he had too much stuff. His rucksack was full, whereas hers had slowly emptied to the necessary essentials and whatever she could steal from hotels and stores. 

There was one clear sign he hadn’t been on the streets long, one that no normal person would notice. In an attempt to warm himself up he was rubbing his arms with his hands. 

She looked over his pitiful form. Slim, but muscular, with black hair, three scars over his right eye and at least two tattoos on his face. She couldn’t see either clearly but she could vaguely make them out. 

Making sure she stayed quiet, the woman started to collect anything that had fallen from her bag onto the surrounding floor. There was very little: a glove, a pen and her Big Issue vest. She dug around in the bag and found a compact mirror. She looked no different to how she did everyday, except her pupils were still a little larger than normal. She collected her things together, placed her rucksack over one shoulder and started to walk towards the man. On closer inspection she saw the man was shivering despite his coat and blanket.

A feeling of pity welled up inside her and as she walked past she said, “Rub your chest.”

The man looked up at her, obviously shocked someone had spoken to him, “what?”

She turned, “I said, rub your chest. Your arms will take care of themselves; rub your chest to keep yourself warm.”

“T..Thank you.” He said simply and his eyes returned to the ground, but his hands moved to his chest.

A large part of her said to just walk away. She knew that there were three ways it’d go. He’d either: give up running and go back to wherever he came from, he’d die or he’d learn to live on the streets. But then something, she couldn’t place made her stay. She moved and sat down on the floor next to him. 

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

When the woman sat down next to him, he realised something odd. She smelt clean, her hair didn’t look greasy. It was just her clothes that were dirty. He could see how pale she was, how thin she was, her eyes sunken and overly large, her hair lank and lifeless.

Hisagi wasn’t sure what to make of her. Whenever he’d been to Karakura Town with Renji, or even when he’d walked around yesterday, the homeless people had been dirty and smelly.

“How do you do it?” he asked, before he could stop himself. 

She looked up at him and a blush spread across his cheeks. This situation could only get more awkward.

She raised an eyebrow, “How do I do what?”

There was no going back, “How do you stay so clean?”

She frowned at him and then smiled, “I take advantage of what’s given to me.”

Shuuhei just nodded. There was a tension in the air now. Awkwardness between him and the first human he’d had contact with since he’d entered the Living World.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean that…I.. it’s just-“

“-It’s just that I don’t smell like a bum?” she mumbled.

After a short pause, all Hisagi could do was blush and nod. This woman had no qualms about embarrassing him to his very core. 

There was a moment of silence before she asked, “What’s your name?”

“Shuuhei, Hisagi Shuuhei.” Shuuhei replied, offering her a hand.

Taking it, she said, “I’m Rei, Otsuka Rei.” 

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Hisagi let go of her hand and said, “How long have you… lived out here?”

Rei leaned back against the wall, thinking. “Since I was eighteen, so about five years. It kind of blurs together eventually. I didn’t start out here, I kind of migrated away from Tokyo. You’re new to this though, aren’t you?”

“Few days ago, I ended up with no where to go. I…” he paused and a look crossed his face that Rei knew well. He was lost. Not just in the physical sense, but in an emotional sense too. He’d come looking for something and ended up out here because there was no where else to go. 

“You’ll need help then.” Rei had no idea why she’d said it. Usually she just left the new ones to their own business. One of the three options befell them and it didn’t matter to her, but there was something about Hisagi Shuuhei that bothered her. Something she remembered being herself. Something that had been lost in a drug induced haze. 

“I’ll do what I can, but don’t expect me to be around all the time. I have my own life, my own places to go my own ways to earn money, my own necessities. I don’t need a shadow, but I’ll help you, when I can.”

Hisagi met her eyes and she saw the gratitude there. It was sad that she knew in a few months he wouldn’t be thanking her. Most likely because he’d be dead, or worse: Like her.


	6. Choices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soul Society faces the discusses their options in the wake of Hisagi's departure.

The higher ranks of Soul Society were in uproar. Never in its long history had a fukutaichou just disappeared, in fact never had a Shinigami just upped sticks and left. An emergency meeting was held in the First Division Barracks, however, the seriousness of the situation was evident when, the Lieutenants were told to attend with their Captains.

Renji and Kira had already spoken about Shuuhei’s leaving. Kira hadn’t been able to contain his smile when, just as Hisagi had predicted, Renji suggested a massive rescue operation to bring his friend back. It had taken some serious words from Kira to make him think better of it, although some part of Kira was all ready to run off to the Living World and bring his friend home.

It hurt to think that he’d just left, without anything but a few letters to explain where he’d gone. If the rumours coming from Ninth Division were to be believed: a third letter had been left for Kensei Taichou. However, that, it was obvious to Kira as he was one of the few who was privy to the true nature of their relationship, was obviously not a rumour. The rest of the rumours went from the plausible to the sublime and then to the ridiculous. People had heard that he’d left one for, Matsumoto, Momo, Kuchiki Taichou, Kenpachi Taichou and even Shinji Taichou, although he knew for certain Matsumoto and Momo hadn’t heard anything from their friends prior to his leaving.

o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

Kira’s situation was unique among the Lieutenants. He alone had no Captain as no one had managed to replace Ichimaru Taichou yet. The gaps in the Fifth and Ninth Divisions had been filled by Shinji and Kensei once they’d been pardoned. However, none of the other Visoreds had wanted to return with them and there was still a Division without a Captain, since Kira himself was not ready.

When they lined up in the First Divisions Meeting Room, it was an odd sight. Each Captain shadowed by their Lieutenant, stood a step behind and to the right. Apart from his own, Kira noted the only gap present was Shuuhei’s alone. Everyone was here, even Kensei Taichou.

He was a sad sight to behold. His hair was messy, his clothes rumpled and his eyes faced the floor at all times. The only time he even moved was when Shinji had walked past and placed a hand on his shoulder in a consoling manner. Then he’d looked at his friends hand and nodded slightly in thanks. He’d kept his piercings from the Living World and they glinted in the lights whenever he moved his head, but apart from that there was nothing to show anything but sadness from the Captain.

Looking down the lines, he noticed Momo and Rangiku looked pale and red eyed. Renji just frowned, looking permanently cross.

o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

The meeting started once everyone was settled and had been going on for hours. All Renji could do was fidget with his Zampaktou; he constantly tapped his fingers on the top in frustration. He didn’t want to be in a meeting discussing what should be done, he wanted to be out there, dragging his friend back to where he belonged.

However, it was one course of action that _hadn’t_ been discussed by the Captains. No one seemed to want to mention it. In fact everyone had been very careful about what they said, and considering the state of things it was a wise choice. So far, Kensei Taichou hadn’t said a word. He’d stared at the ground, unmoving and unreachable.

“Abarai Fukutaichou, Kira Fukutaichou, step forward.” Renji jumped upon hearing his name from the Soutaichou.

He and Kira exchanged a glance before they both stepped into the middle of the room and faced Yamamoto Soutaichou, “You both received a letter from Hisagi Fukutaichou did you not?”

“Yes, Soutaichou.” Renji said simply, Kira nodded.

“Did they give any indication as to where he may have gone?” Yamamoto asked.

Kira answered that one, “Neither of our letters told us anything about his destination. They didn’t even say that he was headed to the Living World.”

Mayuri chuckled, “Maybe that’s because you didn’t read them closely enough. Perhaps they’re open to interpretation. Read them out and maybe someone else will be able to understand where he’s gone.”

Before Renji or Kira could object, openly and quiet, serene voice said, “Mayuri Taichou, those letters were personal. I do not wish to hear them and I do not think Hisagi fukutaichou would have wanted anyone to read them, except those they were intended for.”

Kira and Renji exchanged a fearful glance before, turning to Unohana Taichou and saying, “Arigato.”

She just smiled at them with here eyes, careful to keep the calm serene look on her face.

“Arh, this is getting stupid,” At those words everybody in the room turned to face the Captain of the Eleventh Division. “Why don’t we just go drag the little shit back here from the Living World? Seems like the easiest way to solve this.”

From the corner of his eye, Renji saw Kensei look up from the ground for the first time in the meeting.

“It would solve the problem with very little argument, I doubt Hisagi-san would fight us.” said Kuchiki Taichou.

“NO” speaking for the first time, everyone could hear the anger in Kensei’s voice. “No one is going anywhere to force him to come back. No one. He left to find something; he’ll come back when he’s found it. This meeting has gone on long enough.”

Renji and Kira exchanged a look, knowing that he was right, as the Ninth Division Captain turned and walked out of the room without a backward glance.


	7. Talking

It had started to snow. The white flakes fell thick and fast, so fast you couldn’t see a few feet in front of you. Shuuhei looked out on the scene of cars crawling along the road and people rushing to get out of the blizzard. The world was grey, a mixture of cold light and cruel weather. Shuuhei looked over to the sleeping form of the only friend he had in the Living World.

Rei was thinner and paler than when he’d first met her. She’d started doing a lot of “work” at night, which meant she had to try and sleep in the day. Shuuhei appreciated what she did, but he also felt guilty. It was a ridiculous thing to feel guilty about, as his friend had told him (with a crack around the back of the head and a shout of “baka!”), but he couldn’t help it. His argument was that if he hadn’t needed help she wouldn’t have needed more money. By now, it’d started to get to the point where she could buy enough cocaine to last her a few days at a time, instead of just one, before she had to go out again. They even had money left for food enough for the two of them to live- not comfortably- but live. 

Hisagi had started to remember his life in Rukongai. When he’d had to struggle for food enough to fuel his Reiastu, he’d returned to the life he’d strived to get away from. Yet he’d started to feel better for it. Whether it was because he’d begun to discover a purpose to live or because he’d begun to fight for his life in general, he didn’t know but it was working. He’d also found someone who understood him. Rei knew why he’d ended up here, she might not have known where from, but she knew and understood why. 

Currently she was sleeping, with her head on his shoulder. They were wrapped up together, keeping each other warm, under two very thick blankets. He had his arm wrapped around her ever thinning frame. She looked better for the increase in hotel stays, cleaner and neater, but she was still getting thinner. Lack of food, sleep and an increase in drugs were all having an affect on his friend. There was nothing he could do but what he could, which was little more than watch. 

“Shuuhei, stop staring at me while I sleep. It’s creepy.” Rei mumbled opening her eyes to look up at him. 

He looked shifty and replied, “Sorry,”

“You were worrying about me again weren’t you?” she asked, sitting up and rubbing her eyes, smudging her makeup, making the dark circle more obvious than before.

Shuuhei couldn’t reply to that so he simply shrugged.

She smiled slightly, “You don’t have to. I can look after myself." 

She paused before saying, "But thank you all the same. It’s been a long time since I had someone to worry about me.”

Shuuhei just nodded.

“Come on, we should move, the local police will be around and they’ll want to move us off.” Rei said, standing up and stretching.

“Where are we going?” Shuuhei asked as he took Rei’s outstretched hand.

“Train station. There’s one on the edge of the city centre that’s not used anymore. You can sleep under the platforms, they keep you dry and they stay strangely warm.” She replied, pulling he rucksack onto her back and walking into a break in the snow. 

Shuuhei stood for a second watching her disappear into the grey mist that the snow had created. He smiled to himself. The fight to live was repairing the hole in a way. He wasn’t sure whether it was healing or whether he was just noticing less because he had to fight, like during the Winter War. 

“Shuuhei, hurry the fuck up, it’s cold!” Rei shouted from the blizzard. 

He smiled to himself again and walked out after his friend.   
~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~  
Rei was happy she’d suggested they move to the train station, it was warmer than the underpass and the snow had piled up and made a sort of windbreak. She was huddled under a blanket with Shuuhei trying to keep warm.

She suddenly felt the urge to cough and a violent fit struck her.

Shuuhei rubbed her back and offered her a small drink of water from his backpack. Gratefully Rei took the water and took a gulp after she’d stopped coughing.

Handing the bottle back she said, “Thank you, it’s this stupid weather.”

Shuuhei nodded, knowing there were other factors rather than the weather involved with his friends health, but he preferred to keep quiet about it.

There was a pause between them before Rei asked quietly, “Shuuhei, what exactly are you running away from?”

The young man didn’t answer right away, rather he just stared out towards the world and thought about what it was he was running from or:

“I’m not running from anything,” he decided “not really. I’m looking for something.”

“What are you looking for out here?” she asked, obviously puzzled at his decision

“Lots of things, a reason, an explanation, something to hold on to.”

“Really? You left whatever home you had to come looking for that…… have you found it?” she replied, carefully.

“Not yet, I’m not sure what it is I’m looking for, but I guess I’ll know when I’ve found it.”

“Did you have friends back home?” she asked watching his face.

Shuuhei, looked wistful for a moment and then answered, “I did, the best of friends, reliable and understanding, they were always there when I needed them, I had a partner too, they was partly the reason I came looking for something, because I needed to be able to love them properly, otherwise we couldn’t be together properly. He deserved better than what I could give him.”   
~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~  
Rei smiled to herself, Shuuhei was starting to open up to her, about why exactly he’d decided to inflict this life upon himself and she’d noticed, just a little slip that her friend had made. He’d said him, not that she cared, she’d seen it all out there and Shuuhei had never judged her decisions in life, why should she judge his?

“Did you try to find it where you came from?” she asked, once he’d finished talking.

“That’s a stupid question, baka. Of course I did.” Replied Shuuhei snappily.

“Calm down Shuuhei, I wasn’t being nasty.”

“I know, sorry. What about you, why are you here?” he asked, looking over her face. 

“There’s a simple answer to that. I screwed up my life, no one else. I had a good family, nice parents, two brothers, half decent grades in school. I just didn’t see the point to some things. I lost all sense of what life was worth and I started down a path I’ve not managed to turn away from. I wouldn’t have it any other way, not really. Out here, no one judges, because there’s just you.” Rei answered simply.

Shuuhei chuckled, “You’re no better than me are you?” 

“No better than you at what?” Rei asked frowning a little

“Talking.”

“No, I guess we both suck at it.” She replied with a smile.


	8. Visions of the Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for Prostitution, mentions of drug abuse.

“Your nose is bleeding again.” Shuuhei stated simply, searching in his pack for a tissue.

This had been happening more often. Rei blamed the weather and Shuuhei nodded and agreed, knowing that it wasn’t. He’d seen drug abuse, it happened in Rukongai, despite what people thought. He knew the signs, the consequences. He knew what would probably happen to his friend as well. She was already thinner than when he’d first met her, which had only been a few months ago

Rei took the offered tissue and tilted her head forward, letting the blood run freely. She knew, as well as him that it was not a good sign. It didn’t bode well for her state. The drugs caused her heart rate to increase rapidly, which put strain upon her blood vessels, eventually the strain became too much and they burst, resulting in a series of nose bleeds, which as a result cause Shuuhei to worry more and more. He worried, she knew and she appreciated it, but it also meant that she couldn’t just allow herself to fade away anymore. She had to try to keep her feet on the ground for Shuuhei’s sake, if for nothing else.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

The weather had started to let up when Rei left Hisagi. She’d waited until the man had fallen asleep under the station before she gathered a few possessions up and walked back towards the city. Even on a night like that one, they couldn’t afford for her not to get some money. Her nose ached when she breathed in the cold air. It was sore and stung, making her eyes water. It made her chest hurt as she walked along the empty street. The cold wind surrounded her as she turned a corner onto the main road into the East side of the city. It was quiet tonight, very quiet.

She moved towards one of the street lamps and leaned against the post, waiting for the cars to pass or stop whichever they preferred.

She shivered slightly as a car slowed and carefully moved in towards the curb. The window came down and the man inside said, “How much for the night?

He was young, no older than thirty, with dark hair, a little stubble, and a deep, gentle voice.

“¥37,000” ***** Rei replied without skipping a beat, knowing the routine by now.

The man smiled and unlocked the car doors, signalling for her to get in. “There’s a hotel about three kilometres up the road, are we all right to go there?”

Rei got in the car and answered, “We can go wherever you like. It’s your party.”

The man smiled gently at her and said, “You should put your seatbelt on”

This surprised Rei slightly; usually the men that picked her up had no desire to talk to her at all. They usually sped off before she had time to even think about her seatbelt. She smiled carefully at the man and reached to grab her seatbelt when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

She turned back to look at him and said, “What is it?”

“Before you do that, I want to know your name.”

She studied the man’s expression closely. Scared and unsure about what exactly was going to happen to her if she told him. Rather than tell him she just asked, “Why?”

He looked sadly at her face and said, “Because I want to know.”

She stared into his eyes for a few minutes, reading his expression, looking at the lines on his face, moving from the small bump on his nose, as if it had been broken when he was younger, to the piercing in his ear; looking over the scar under his eyebrow and to the small dimple in his chin. She looked back into his eyes and knew. She knew why he wanted to know her name. She knew why he was being so nice to her.

She shrugged his hand off and got out of the car. He tried to grab her bag but she moved quickly, snatching it out of his weak grip.

As she walked quickly away from the car, she heard him get out of the driver’s side and start to follow her. She sped up, knowing if she ducked around the corner, there was a maze of alley’s down the back of a small group of houses. She knew she could lose him down there. All she had to do was reach the corner, before he caught up to her.

She heard his breathing getting closer and she broke out into a full sprint, trying to get away from this man, not wanting to look at him again.

She started to get a stitch in her side, it hurt to breathe, the cold and her health meant she got tired quickly. It hurt so much, but it was better than turning back.

A hand grabbed her bag and said “Rei”

She turned around and pushed as hard as she could but the man just held on to her as she fought, her eyes shut, not wanting to look at him.

“Please, let me go! Get off!”

“Rei, please don’t fight…”

The grip on her arm loosened slightly and it was all she needed to start to back away from him. Her head was spinning, her chest tightening and a pain stabbing into her side, throbbing in her head and a warm liquid pouring down her face.

“Rei, you’re bleeding…” the man was shocked and sad. It was obvious in his voice. But as she reached up to try to end the flood of blood gushing from her nose she looked into his eyes and saw the hurt there and she felt her eyes start to water.

“It’s fine… it’s just the cold.” Rei replied wiping the mess off her face with the sleeve of her coat.

He reached into his jeans pocket and pulled out a handkerchief handing it to her. She took it and moved away from the man, going to sit on the low wall of a car park. He stayed where he was watching her unsure what to do. The silence that fell was only penetrated by Rei’s heavy breathing.

Eventually Rei asked quietly, “How did you know?”

The man tilted his head at her and smiled, “I’ve known you were out here about a year, but you’re not an easy to person to find when you don’t want to be… which…. Judging by your reaction to me: you didn’t want to be.”

Rei shook her head, “No, not by you. Not by any of you. I walked away for a reason, because it wasn’t something you needed to know, it wasn’t something you needed to see. It wasn’t something any of you needed to see.”

“You say that as if you didn’t think I would be able to take it. You say that as if knowing you’re alive is worse than not knowing anything…” the man replied quietly.

She sighed and rubbed her eyes, trying to clear the tears that had started to appear, “Daiki, did you really want to know this? Did you really want to know what I did?”

Daiki sighed, “It was better than not knowing anything about you. It hurts less to know that you’re alive. You might not be leading what some would call a decent life, but you’re alive. I just needed to know. We all did.”

She tilted her head in a similar way to him and asked “We?”

He nodded, “Hai, oka-san, to-san and Aoi… your family. We wanted to know what had happened to you. You just upped and left, without a note, without a goodbye, you just left, leaving almost everything you had behind.”

“So you came looking? You didn’t think that me leaving like that was for a reason?” Rei rolled her eyes and looked to the floor.

“No Rei, we didn’t. we all though you were just being eighteen and rebellious. We thought you’d come back…”

The voice of her brother had taken on a sad tone by the end of that sentence. Her older brother had always looked after her and Aoi. She was the middle child to a much older brother and a much younger one. Seven years had separated her and Daiki and another five had separated her and Aoi. The massive gaps between them had caused problems when they were younger, it must have been hell for her mother having a new born a five year old and a twelve year old, but she’d always managed and Daiki had always been there to help with Rei, but when he’d gone on to university she’d started to drift off from the proper path, leading to her current position.

She looked up into her older brother’s face and tilted her head again.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Shuuhei shifted in his sleep and was awoken by the lack of weight on his shoulder. He couldn’t work it out at first, but then he realised that Rei had got up and left. He knew she’d gone to “work” but he worried about her. He worried about the men that picked her up, but mostly he worried about her health. The frequent nosebleeds and her chest pains worried him. He knew it wasn’t the weather. It was the drugs; he’d always known it was the drugs.

He moved to sit up against one of the supports of the station platform, running his fingers through his hair. It had gotten longer than he’d ever let it. It had retained its spiky shape, despite its abused nature, but the fringe had started to get too long to leave as it was so Rei had shifted his parting to that it just fell in front of his left eye, leaving his scars exposed, but covering the tattoo on his cheek.

He bit his lip as he thought about his options. Option one, was to go looking for his friend, make sure she was all right. However, if she’d found a customer for the night, or an hour, or whatever then he might not find her at all. Option two was to stay where he was and wait for her to come back. Option three was to leave her to it and go back to sleep.

Shuuhei’s muscles protested when he chose option one and started to crawl away from their small camp under the platform and towards the outside world. Despite the heavy snowfall, little had settled on the ground, the plows and gritters had seen to that, along with help from the cars and people walking through it all day. It meant that the tarmac car park shone reflected orange streetlights into his eyes as he emerged into the dead car park.

Shuuhei breathed in slowly, taking in the smell of the outside air. It was surprising how close the air was under the platform. He stretched his arms and clicked all the joints that were protesting against him remaining in a crouched position for so long.

Once finished, Shuuhei looked around him, making sure there was no one around who would disturb their possessions under the platform. He even went as far as reaching out slightly with his reiatsu to sense any hollows, Shinigami or anything else that might be lurking around. There was nothing to capture his attention which caused Shuuhei to smile. He was so used to the bustle of Karakura, where you could always feel the odd mixture of hollow and Shinigami from the Visored’s, the powerful reiatsu of Kurosaki and the fainter but distinctive signs of his friends. All that came before you started the Hollows which flocked to the place, he liked how quiet it was here.

However, despite the quiet Shuuhei, reached back under the platform and grabbed Kazeshini, who purred in his mind. His Zampaktou had been surprisingly quiet through this whole ordeal, but now the very small chance it might get used had caused it to stir in his head. Shuuhei rolled his eyes and tucked the sword through one of his belt loops, before fastening the coat he was wearing and walking towards the edge of the car park.

He knew where Rei would be, it wasn’t the first time he’d chosen to go looking for her. It was easy to follow the familiar route towards the inner workings of the city. Rei’s spot was on one of the main carriageways in and out of the city centre, which meant there was always a chance of someone wanting to pick her up. However, it was not in a very nice area either. It was an old residential area that had seen better days. Dilapidated tower blocks and grotty terraced houses were all cramped together, leaving just the main roads and the alleys as access. The place was filled with drug addicts and others that society had rejected and thrown into this dark corner of the city. It reminded him of the lower districts of Rukongai. The close quarters, the irredeemable people…

Shuuhei kept walking until he rounded a corner onto the main road into the city and saw a car parked at the side of the road, doors open and a man stood with Rei backed up against a low wall. Shuuhei growled inwardly and felt the familiar rush that came with the prospect of a fight. He knew he had to be calm, though, he knew what might happen and he didn’t want to put his friend in more danger. He walked, almost silently up the street towards them, making sure to keep to the shadows so the man didn’t see him coming.

When he was close enough to hear them talking he stopped. He could hear the sadness in Rei’s voice as she spoke, “Daiki, you should leave. You know I’m alive, you know where I am. As much as I love you, you can’t stay here, I don’t want you here. This is my life now and I am content.”

“So you just want me to leave?” the man asked sadly.

“Yes…” whispered Rei.

Shuuhei didn’t know what to do. She was obviously upset by the presence of this man, Daiki, she’d called him, but he might be intruding. Shuuhei sighed and walked out towards his friend, standing a little way behind the man before saying,

“Rei? Is everything all right?”

She looked over the mans shoulder to him, startled by his sudden appearance. Rei spent a time looking between the man and Shuuhei before answering, “Yeah, everything’s fine Shuu. Let’s go home.”

She stood up from the wall and walked past the man whispering a ‘goodbye’ before she linked arms with Shuuhei and accompanied him in silence, back to the train station.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Once they were settled back under the platform Shuuhei wrapped his arm around her shoulders and asked, “Do you want to talk about him?”

Rei shook her head, tired out by the shock of seeing her brother again after five years, “No Shuuhei, not tonight. Tomorrow.”

She felt her friend nod and she settled down to sleep, rubbing away the dried blood that had covered the area around her nose and top lip.

***I’d just like to point out; at the current exchange rate (26/05/12) this is about 300GBP.**


	9. Words Stumble Before They Start

Kira looked around when he heard his name being called. He saw Renji running towards him, weaving in and out of members of third squad. It had been three months since Shuuhei had left and Renji had visited everyday- without fail. Kira knew Renji had been working hard to make sure his paperwork was finished early so he had time to visit him. They’d spent time speculating where he might have gone, what he might be doing, who he might be with. They’d started out logical and slowly they realised, like everyone else, they had nothing to go on. No hope of finding their friend.

It saddened Kira to think it could be many years before they saw their friend again. It had already been so long and the ache of missing him, while still strong, was starting to become dull. It hurt him, because he knew that his friend was coming back and that he would miss him until he did. 

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Renji had come today, for a particular reason though, he’d heard a rumour from twelfth squad, and it wasn’t good. If it was true, there was going to be a serious rift between the Third, Sixth and Ninth Squads, and the Twelfth. And that was the best case scenario. Renji was well aware that most of the other squads would join them if the Twelfth’s plans went ahead- the First and Second Divisions excluded. 

“Kira, we need to talk.” Renji said, keeping his eyes level, but his voice revealing his troubled state of mind.

Kira turned to look at his friend, worried by his tone, 

“What is it?” he asked studying his friend’s face.

Renji only shook his head in reply, “Not here Kira, somewhere quieter.”

Kira nodded in reply and he and Renji headed towards his office. Renji looked over his friend carefully. He could see him thinning, the dark circles and the bags under his eyes, and his generally unkempt appearance. There were rumours one of the other Visored’s Otoribashi Rojuro, was being persuaded to return as Captain of Third Squad. Whilst he missed his former Captain, Renji knew he needed someone to help him run the squad, and now Shuuhei was gone, his friend was starting to struggle. He needed someone to help him and it saddened Renji to know he couldn’t do anymore to help his friend.

As the entered Kira’s office, with the door shut behind them, Renji turned to his friend and said, “Kira sit down.”

His friend nodded, obviously recognising Renji’s serious tone. After taking a seat, Kira turned back to Renji and said, “What’s going on?”

Renji ran his hand through his hair. His appearance was dishevelled and his hair was already starting to come loose and stick out at odd angles. He growled and pulled at the band holding it in place, allowing his fiery mane to fall down his back. 

“Renji?” Kira asked tentatively.

“Central 46 have given 12th squad permission to start tracking Hisagi-san. They’ve said that if they find him they’re not allowed to bring him back unless they given permission, but it… ah fuck! It goes against everything he said to us. Don’t come looking, just wait. That’s all he asked, for us to wait and look out for each other. How difficult is it? I mean seriously? How fucking difficult is it for them to just leave him be?” Renji said, his voice beginning to break towards the end.

His met his friend’s eye and, in that second, let all the pressure go. In a single glance, Renji revealed that he was at breaking point without his friend to turn to, he was finally doing a Shuuhei said he should. 

Kira shook his head sadly, “I don’t know why they won’t leave him alone. Probably because we’ve lost so many already, we can’t afford to lose another. But Abarai-san, don’t let it get to you. They’ll struggle to find him and if they do try to go after him, they’ll have a hell of a fight from ninth squad, not to mention fifth, third and sixth. Don’t worry about it too much. He’ll be all right. I know he will.”

Kira put his hand on Renji’s shoulder and smiled at his friend gently, letting him know he wasn’t alone.


	10. Ghosts

Chapter 10: Ghost

Shuuhei and Rei were sat on the edge of the train platform, which had become their impromptu home for the last few months, with their legs dangling over the edge. Rei was absentmindedly swinging hers, occasionally smacking her heel into at wooden support beam behind her left foot. They’d been sitting in silence since they woken up. Rei had woken up when the grey light of the winter morning had started to shine into the darkness, underneath the platform.

“Do you know what today is?” Rei asked not looking at Shuuhei, but focusing on the opposite platform and the land beyond.

“No, what is it?”

“It’s Christmas.”

When Shuuhei looked confused she frowned but explained, “It’s a festival they celebrate in America and Europe, all over really. It’s a Christian festival celebrating the birth of Jesus- their saviour. It happens on the 25th of December every year. I was eight when my dad came back from a business trip in England and told us about it. Obviously Daiki knew about it, but Aoi was only three and to us it sounded so amazing. They decorate trees and give presents, it’s a bit like New Year in the sense of decorations and presents and praying. It was always important in our house, dad worked with the UK branch of the company and we were taught to respect other traditions, but Christmas was always good. We wouldn’t do presents or anything like that we’d always have dinner together, even after Daiki moved away, it was special, seems ironic that it’s today, when Daiki was here last night.”

Shuuhei watched his friend for a few seconds and said simply, “That’s the most I’ve ever heard you say at once. Or in a week.”

Rei looked up at him and smiled.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Shuuhei looked at his smiling friend and couldn’t help but grin back. She looked more relaxed than he’d ever seen her, as if a great weight had been lifted from her shoulders. He could only guess that it was to do with her family, the specifics he couldn’t quiet work out, but he could tell that was the general area.

He looked over his frail friend and saw where her coat was starting to hang off her shoulders. He frowned and tried not to focus on it. “Do you think that was why he came?”

She glanced over to him before focusing back on the distance, “Probably. Daiki was never one for coincidences. I on the other hand know he went out looking for me yesterday and just happened to stumble upon me. For all his searching and planning, I have no doubt it just happened.”

They fell into an easy silence and Shuuhei was left to wonder about a lot of things. Rei and her life, his own life and where it was going to end up, however, like it always did when he was thinking his mind wandered back to Soul Society and his friends. Renji, Kira, Matsumoto and Momo. He thought about Kensei, about the small grin’s he’d give Shuuhei when they were doing paperwork, the subtle frown on his brow when he was thinking deeply, the sound of his laughter and the feel of his skin. The heat as they kissed and the warmth when he woke in Kensei’s arms…

It saddened him to think he’d been away so long; but he couldn’t go back, not yet. He’d finally found something to fill the hole and even if it was just surviving that filled it, he’d take that over the gaping emptiness he used to feel.

When he came too he found Rei watching him with an odd expression on her face.

“What?” he asked.

She shrugged, “You went really quiet and you started to smile, like I’ve never seen you smile. You were thinking about your home?”

Shuuhei tilted his head and wanted to ask how she knew that, but didn’t bother. He’d come to accept that Rei could read people and instead said, “Yeah I was,”

“Wanna talk about it?”

“Not really?”

“Good cos I’d rather not talk about my home either, but we’re both curious, so I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.” Rei said, keeping her gaze ahead, across the opposite platform and towards the open space.

Shuuhei frowned for a minute, knowing it could be difficult trying to explain everything without mentioning being a Shinigami or Soul Society or anything else for that matter, but she was his friend and she deserved to know something, “Sounds fair to me, you first.”

She laughed, “I knew I’d have to go first. That’s just you isn’t it?”

She giggled and looked out to the distance again. Shuuhei watched as a plethora of expressions crossed her face. A smile, sadness, fatigue and confusion all flew across her face before she settled for biting her lip. He knew better than to try and start the conversation for her. She would just ignore him or just close down all together.

After a while she said, “It wasn’t too bad, home I mean. We didn’t argue that much, we were well looked after, we always had money. To be honest the only difficult part was having siblings whose ages were so apart from my own. I was the middle child on my own little island and neither brother was particularly close to me. Daiki was like a parent and Aoi was just a pain if I’m honest. But I didn’t have any reason to follow this route…”

She trailed off again and Shuuhei noticed her posture had changed; she’d started to close up. Her legs weren’t swinging anymore; her arms were wrapped around her in a kind of protective cocoon. She wasn’t even looking out at the sky; Rei’s eyes were fixed on the train tracks.

He was unsure what to do, but eventually settled on placing a reassuring hand on her leg. This seemed to help, because she seemed to snap out of the trace she was in and looked at him.

“I ended up here because of a man. I was seventeen when I met him and he was twenty two. My parents weren’t too enthusiastic about him, but they figured I’d just grown out of it. I was young, I was stupid and I never thought I’d end up here, doing what I’m doing. He took everything I had: my hopes, my dreams, opportunities, he convinced me to drop out of school. He took everything I had to give and just took what I wouldn’t give willingly. He got me on the drugs. It was his hobby, his problem and he dragged me into it, it started out a line here and a line there on nights out and at parties, but then it just escalated until I couldn’t control it anymore. I left home because of him. Mum and dad were furious about me dropping out of school and what was going on. We didn’t speak after that. I left home and made sure they never knew what had happened. I didn’t say goodbye, I figured that at least that way they could hope I’d come home. I can’t ever go back though; I need it now, more than I did then and I’ll need it even more tomorrow. The need for it has consumed me and there’s nothing I can do about it. And in some ways there’s nothing I want to do about it.”

She paused again. Her postured had relaxed again and her gaze had returned to the distance. “I know it must sound odd, the idea that I don’t want to get fixed, but it’s the price I’m paying for the mistakes I’ve made and in all honesty, I think it’s a little too late to turn back now. I know it’s killing me. It’s already started and it’s not going to stop, but it’s my choice. I like the rush, I like the high and I’m not sure I have the strength left in me to go back.”

She sighed deeply and finished, “After I left home, I started begging for money, for the coke, but it wasn’t enough so I found another option. It’s not an ideal career choice, but it pays. It’s been like that for so long… then it changed, I saw you looking sorry for yourself under that underpass and I saw me. I saw someone lost and lonely, who didn’t have a clue what to do or where to go and I just couldn’t leave you there. You changed everything, because you gave me a reason to live. You gave me a reason to stay still. You’ve given me someone to look after and you look after me, which in all honesty is what I need.”

She met his eyes and Shuuhei knew she was being as honest with him as she could. 

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

As she smiled at him, Rei recognised the tiny smile he sent back to her, before she focused her attentions on the distance again and a cloud shaped like a dinosaur. She smiled at that, the little things that just remind you the world’s not always a terrible place.

Shuuhei had been silent ever since she’d finished talking, but she knew he’d say something eventually. However, when he did speak it was unexpectedly early, “There’s a lot to tell for this all to make sense so it’s gonna take a while.”

She looked at Shuuhei and smiled again, “I’ve got time, Shuu.”

“I first met Kensei when I was a kid. He saved my life and ever since then, everything I’ve ever done is to prove that I’ve not wasted the life he saved. I had no money, no family, nothing that would make becoming someone easy, but I got lucky. I got offered a position at an academy… so I went there to train. While I was there I found out about Kensei, who he was and what I discovered wasn’t exactly what I’d expected. He’d been sent away from the academy, with a few others. Everyone thought they’d betrayed us. What we stood for.”.

“It turned out we were wrong. There was this other guy, Aizen who everyone thought was a good guy, he was the reason they had to leave; he was the one who’d betrayed us all. Aizen attacked us, with some help from two other people, one of whom I never liked and the other…” She furrowed her brow as Shuuhei paused, there was hurt and pain in his voice. Like the betrayal was deeper than just leaving their group and hurting his friends.

“The other was my mentor, Tousen. He’d looked out for me when I left the academy. He taught me everything I know. I thought he was my friend… they attacked us and nearly killed my friend Momo in the process, and a few others as well. It looked like we were well and truly screwed; when Kensei and the others came back to help us. We beat Aizen and the others and tried to put everything back to normal, Kensei and Shinji, one of the others that had been sent away chose to stay and that’s how things started with me and Kensei. He took up the position Tousen had- which had been his originally before he’d been sent away. The reason I’m here now comes from that. I was so hurt by everything, by Tousen betraying me like that, he was my teacher, I owe him everything and yet he just left us. Took everything we thought we knew about him and tore it apart.”

Rei could hear the anger in her friend voice flare up as he spoke, “I trusted him, I looked up to him, I listened to him talk about justice and how it should always be served, only for him to turn himself into a monster, who didn’t understand justice at all. He was someone who only wanted revenge. In the end he saw only death and hatred and I fought him, trying to bring him back.”

Shuuhei sobbed suddenly and Rei rested her hand on his knee gently, “I killed him Rei.”

Rei placed her hand on his leg.

“I stabbed him. I felt my sword go through his throat, even as his went through my stomach; I just kept pushing it through, wanting it to end. Wanting nothing more than to go back to the way things were. I wanted to leave, run away, but I couldn’t I was fixed there. I stabbed the only person I had ever looked up to like an older brother and his blood covered my arms as he died.”

Shuuhei had started to cry and Rei didn’t know what to do. He’d been struggling to speak towards the end of his story, but he’d managed to keep going, but now, he was sat with his head in his hands sobbing uncontrollably. Looking around her she did the only thing she could think of, which was to hug her friend and hug him tight. She had to let him know she was there, because despite how horrified she was that her friend had killed someone, she also knew, he’d had no choice.

He couldn’t have had a choice…

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

It was early afternoon when Shinji finished his paperwork and told his Lieutenant that he was going out and wouldn’t back in the office until tomorrow. Shinji had a job to do, and that was to look after Kensei. Hisagi had been right in his letter, about everything. Shinji had been shocked upon receiving it and reading it, but the kid also knew that Kensei wouldn’t cope to well, with his decision to just up and leave. The Visored had become withdrawn and almost empty immediately after Shuuhei’s departure and the time that had passed had only heightened his friend’s pain.

Shinji was well aware that Kensei missed his lover and missed him dearly. He was more vulnerable than he’d ever been and Shinji had a duty to perform. Hisagi had asked him to ensure that Kensei didn’t fall too far into this depression and to make sure there was something for the stupid kid to come back to, and he would be damned if he’d let his friend turn into a ball of emptiness and pain. Not after everything they’d been through: Captaincy, becoming hollowfied, fleeing Soul Society, training and fighting Aizen.

They’d survived all that shit and made it back home; alive. Kensei had found someone he loved and Shinji, himself, had found himself in a relationship with another Shinigami, not a serious one by any means, but a relationship all the same. They were where they were supposed to be but Shinji knew he had to make sure Kensei didn’t just collapse.

While thinking about this, Shinji had quickly shunpo’d to the Ninth Division’s barracks and landed almost silently on the veranda outside of Kensei’s office. He looked around and knocked gently on the door, hoping his friend would be there.

He wasn’t. After a few moments of no reply, Shinji had opened the door to find the office undisturbed. It was evident from the large stack of papers of Kensei’s desk; he hadn’t entered his office for a few days at least. Upon closer inspection, Shinji also noticed a few fist holes in the dry walls. They were recent as the plaster still covered the floor directly beneath them. He furrowed his brow and, quickly shut the door, hurrying to Kensei and Shuuhei’s living quarters.

Shinji felt it, before he was even close. Everything felt close, dark and as if there was no happiness left in the world. Shinji shuddered at the power of the Reiatsu in this area, Kensei was not well. This time he didn’t even bother to knock, he just opened the door.

He took in the room in which his friend lay and over Kensei’s form. This was not good...


	11. Rain

Chapter 11: Rain

Over the next few days, very little was said about their talk. Rei didn’t want to talk about her family and didn’t want to speak about what Shuuhei had told her. Somewhere in the back of her head she knew that Shuuhei didn’t want to talk either. What had been said was said. It could not be undone and she wouldn’t have it so. Despite the revelation Shuuhei had made about murder of this Tousen person, she still trusted and cared for her friend as if she’d never been told it, it was just difficult to digest the information.

 She had realised over the few hours she sat next to him on the platform that the sword he carried with him was the one that had killed his former friend and mentor; that he’d actually killed someone with it and it made Rei uncomfortable and she wasn’t sure why. Death had surrounded her life on the streets. People got killed by dealers, by the cold, by the drugs, girls like her got killed by clients as well sometimes, so it was strange for her to fear death and fear a weapon of death. But maybe that was it. Maybe that was the whole reason she felt uncomfortable, because it was so very close to her and in the hands of her friend.

 She spent a lot of time, sitting on the platform edge where they’d talked, watching the clouds and the sky change colour. The seclusion was soothing since the atmosphere between Shuuhei and she was so tense. She knew she’d have to speak to her friend eventually, but right now he needed some time to himself, but she also knew it would have to be soon, otherwise he might think that she’d changed her opinion of him.

 He’d gone for a walk, earlier in the day and was yet to return. She wasn’t concerned as such, he’d left his things under the platform, she just worried what he thought about on his walks.

 -o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

  _Do you think she still trusts me?_

His Zampaktou spirit chuckled to itself.

  _Shini, don’t just fucking chuckle at me, you were doing so well._

The spirit chuckled again, _Doing well at what?_

_Not being a complete and utter prick, that’s what._

Kazeshini cackled with laughter. He couldn’t believe he was having this conversation with his wielder. The fool had been worried for three days about the opinion of this human girl and he did not understand why. She was just a human. He voiced this to his counterpart.

  _She’s a human yes, but she’s not just a girl. She’s my friend. She’s a reason to fight. I haven’t felt this…whole for a long while and it’s her that’s done this._

_Not entirely true. She has done nothing to you. She introduced you to a reason to live. She has proved that life’s worth fighting for, no matter what your circumstances. She’s reminded you that you’ve got a lot to live for, despite killing your treacherous Captain._

_i…i…_

The spirit chuckled again, growing slightly fainter as it replied, _you know I’m right._

Its sounds of mirth slowly faded back into the darker corners of Shuuhei’s mind, leaving him alone to ponder this realisation.

 -o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

 It had started to get late and Rei was worried. Shuuhei still wasn’t back and they were running low on food and money, which meant that she needed to go to work. It had been at least an hour since the sun had set, the street lights were on and there was still no sign of her friend.

 She was scared he’d left.

 Underneath the Platform, she dug around in her bag for a piece of paper, and something to write with, to leave Shuuhei a note to say where she’d gone.

 She scribbled quickly onto the scrap of paper and packed a few things she’d need for the evening. She took a little bit of money with so she could stop at the convenience store on the long way to her spot. It was going to be a busy night.

 -o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

  _Shuu,_

_I’ve gone to work. I’ll be back in the morning. If you get hungry the last of the money is in a roll in the bottom of my bag. Go get something to eat and drink, there should be enough for some cigarettes as well if you’re careful._

_I’m a coward for not saying this next part to you, but I can’t find you right now and if I don’t say it now, I don’t think I’ll have the courage to. You see, you’re still my friend and protector and even though I’ve been distant these last few days, nothing’s going to change, because, now I’ve had time to process everything, I’ve worked out that it’s in the past and it doesn’t change my opinion of you._

_I’ll be back as soon as I can._

_Rei_

_Xx_

Shuuhei smiled as he read the note. It wasn’t what he was expecting to find back at the station, but it made him smile all the same. He could hear the tone she’d written in and it made him happy, to know there really wasn’t a huge chasm of awkwardness between them now. He knew he’d still need to talk to her, but at least he could rest easy while she was working.

 His stomach rumbled.

 Well he could after he’d gone to the nearest store to buy some food.

 -o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

  _Shini? SHINI!!_

 _Hm?_ Came the reply from the spirit.

  _What’s going on? Why are we in Soul Society?_ Shuuhei asked looking around.

 The spirit was leaning again the outer wall of the ninth squad barracks, picking at his finger nails in an arrogant and bored manner. He looked up and met his counterpart’s eyes, before shrugging. _This is your party, I’m not doing this._

_Shini this isn’t me either…_

The spirit stood up and started to pay attention. Shuuhei looked around him, there were people walking past him, rushing in the same direction. He started to follow them, knowing without looking where they were going.

  _Kensei!_

A shadow crossed overhead and he looked up to see the released form of Minazuki passing overhead.

 Shuuhei hurried forward, moving through the people, Kazeshini was close behind him growling like an animal. Shuuhei felt a growl growing in his throat. These people were in his way. Kensei was calling him, he could feel his spiritual pressure reaching out, screaming for him. He could hear Tachikaze calling Shini’s name, its hollow side was howling in agony; broken, desolate and worst of all lonely.

 Kensei was calling him.

 He sped up. Running full pelt through the crowds, never hitting anyone, just passing through them, until he as there, at the door of his quarters. At the door where Minazuki had landed and Unohana Taichou was kneeling next to the lifeless form of his lover, with Shinji kneeling on the other, looking terrified.

 Shuuhei felt sick, he tried to move closer, but he couldn’t move. The noise around him became fuzzy. The scene became blurry until the colours had swirled together into a mess. He felt ill.

 -o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

 Shuuhei opened his eyes as the bile rose in his throat. He had enough time to turn his head away from their things before he threw up. His throat burned, his nose and eyes stung from the acid that had risen. He coughed and reached for the bottle of soda he’d acquired from the store, washing the taste from his mouth.

 He closed his eyes as he felt the tears forming, falling down his cheeks. It couldn’t be true, Kensei couldn’t be…. He couldn’t be. He had to be all right. He was supposed to wait for Shuuhei. He was supposed to hold on. He was the reason he was ever going to go back…

 S _hini?_ he asked tentatively.

He was met with silence from the spirit.

  _Shini? Please…answer me. Please Shini, answer me…._ Shuuhei pleaded with his Zampaktou.

 He heard a wimper. That was all. A whimper of a pained soul, struggling to face the reality.

  _Shini… I… what?..._

 _I don’t know,_ whispered the spirit, _I could hear Kaze calling me. I could hear the hollow howling… I don’t know what that was…_

 _Are they…_ Shuuhei didn’t want to finish that question, but it had to be asked.

  _I don’t know…_

He could hear the raindrops falling on the platform above him. Shuuhei put his head back and closed his eyes, letting the tears fall with the rain.


	12. Side

“Shinji?” The soft voice of Retsu Unohana made Shinji start.

He’d been sat outside of the room they’d been examining Kensei in. He’d begun by pacing up and down outside the door, but that had just wound him up so he’d sat for hours, waiting for someone to just tell him if his friend was alive or not.

Shinji shot up from his seat and said: “Well?”

He was silently praying to every deity he knew of, praying to every force in the universe that Kensei was still alive,

“He is alive Shinji, but only just.” Unohana replied sadly

“Well, what is it? Can you help him?” Shinji asked desperately.

The woman sighed heavily and motioned for him to sit with her. He did so and then she began to explain, “Shinji, there is nothing I can do for Muguruma-san. His problem is out of my control…”

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

The Captain’s had been called to an emergency meeting. As Renji looked around it appeared he was not the only one who was out of place. This Visoreds were there. Mostly looking worried, but the little blonde one looked as moody as ever. They were waiting for Unohana and Shinji, both of whom had called this meeting with the permission of the Soutaichou.

Renji met Kira’s eye with a worried look. Everyone in the room knew it was something to do with the Captain of ninth squad. The whole of the Seireitei had felt his Reiatsu, some of the less powerful Shinigami in the ninth division had collapsed and suffered because of it.

When Shinji and Unohana-taichou walked in, Renji froze from the inside. The looks on their faces was the same look he’d seen before and it wasn’t good.

“Hikaro Shinji, Unohana Retsu, you asked for this meeting. Please explain the urgency with which you called it.”

Unohana looked to Shinji, who said, “you all felt it earlier today, the spiritual pressure that Kensei was putting out. He was looking for Hisagi-san. It was calling for him. The Hollow felt it… it was the strangest thing I’ve ever felt, it was oppressive and powerful, but lonely and desperate at the same time.... Retsu can explain it better than I can…”

Unohana had kept a calm look on her face, but her eyes permeated worry,

“It would appear that Muguruma-san’s Hollow has formed an attachment to Hisagi Shuuhei. The extent of this connection was made clear earlier today, when, in grief and pain, it began to search Seireitei for any trace of his Reiatsu. However, I believe that this connection goes deeper still, upon arriving on the scene this afternoon, I noticed that his Zampaktou was vibrating, reacting to, and in synchronisation with the Hollow side. It too was calling out for it’s counter part. I’ve had to place them both under heavy sedation to prevent anymore damage to themselves or to those around them. I have had to treat several members of Ninth Division, in response to the Spiritual pressure of Muguruma-san.”

Renji and Kira exchanged a grave look, before the redhead asked, “So what do we do?”

Unohana sighed, “As much as I was against this in the beginning, we need to find Hisagi-san, if Muguruma-san is to have any hope of recovering from this.”

“So you’re saying, if we don’t go after Shuuhei now, he won’t have Kensei Taichou to come back?” Renji clarified.

Unohana Taichou gave him a sad look, “Yes, if Hisagi-san does not return before February, Muguruma-san will die.”

The only thing that met this statement was silence.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

After the meeting Renji and Kira had left together to talk. The decision had been made to dispatch members from the Third and Sixth only, to the Living World. Their instructions were simple, find Hisagi, but do not engage. They were to report back at which point Yamamoto-Soutaichou would allow Kira and Renji to go and bring their friend back. It had been agreed that sending anyone else would be unwise.

“Do you think he’ll be mad when we go get him?” Kira asked, stopping to lean on a railing so they could look out over the Seireitei from the First Division’s Barracks.

“At first he probably will, but when he finds out about Kensei, he’ll probably say it’s the best thing we’ve ever done.” Renji replied, watching the sunset in the distance.

A pause fell between the two men, for a few minutes before Kira asked,

“Do you ever think we missed something? I mean he left in September… did we not see something?”

Renji turned to look at his friend and said, “No we didn’t, we did what we could and we’re doing what we can, but Shuuhei never let anyone know what he was planning, not even Kensei and that’s the love of his life…”

Renji paused to sigh and then continued, “No Kira, it’s not our fault; the only thing we can do is wait for Shuuhei to come back, or for someone to find him.”

Kira nodded and returned to looking at the view, sighing sadly.


	13. High Ground

It was early morning, when Rei returned to her friend. It had been a busy night, but she’d given up after the last one… the feeling was gone and she couldn’t block everything out, like she usually could. She’d thought about going straight for a hit, but she wanted the check up on Shuuhei. He’d not returned when she’d left and she was worried about him. She knew if he wasn’t back that there’d be little point in trying to find him. It was a big city and he could be anywhere, but if he was back, it’d ease her mind a little before she went to see her dealer.

As she ducked under the platform, she smelt him, before she saw him. The smell of vomit was overwhelmingly strong. She gagged, her eyes watering slightly,

“Shuuhei..?” she called

“Shuuhei? Shuu are you here?” she asked again, crawling towards their small camp.

She rounded a support from the platform and was met with a pitiful sight. He was laid, perfectly still, only just breathing, leaning away from the offending puddle of vomit, he face tearstained, pale and waxy. She moved as quickly as she could to his side, he was definitely breathing. Placing her hand tentatively on his forehead she realised he had a fever, and was shivering slightly.

As she gently stroked his face he mumbled something, “…shin…ugh”

She had no idea what he was trying to say but she stroked his cheek again, whispering, “It’s all right Shuu, I’m here. Just relax.”

She laid him down and covered him with all the spare blankets and clothes they had, moving him away from the puddle. She tried to think, of someone, anyone who could help her move him. She didn’t like the idea of taking him to hospital; they’d ask lots of questions: questions she didn’t have the answers to. No, they needed somewhere people weren’t going to ask questions.

“Kenji…” she whispered to herself.

She furrowed her brow slightly, it was risky taking Shuuhei there, but she didn’t have a choice, she’d struggle to carry him there, let alone any further. No, right now he was the best hope she had, of making sure Shuuhei was all right… she rolled here eyes and packed everything she could into her large haversack, stuffing as many of Shuuhei’s things in there as possible. As she was packing, Rei caught sight of the sword Shuuhei carried with him. She held it in her had for a few seconds before putting it into the bag. She figured that Shuuhei would never forgive her if she left it, and it might be useful, if she had any trouble with Kenji.  Rei then wrapped Shuuhei up in blankets and kicked the bags out into the car park, concentrating on moving Shuuhei, without hurting him, or herself.

Despite living on the streets for the last four months, Shuuhei still weighed more than she expected and she almost dropped him, on more than one occasion. Once they were out from underneath the platform she, sat Shuuhei up against a support and placed the haversack on her back. It was only a few streets to Kenji’s, but she was unsure about how well her dealer would take to being woken up at half five in the morning, by one of his clients and her sick friend asking for help…

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

“Fucking junkies! Can’t come at a decent hour of the fucking day can they? Fucking pain in my arse!” Yamamura Kenji growled as he rolled out of bed and onto the floor of his bedroom as the doorbell rang for what felt like the fiftieth time that night.

He grabbed a t-shirt from the floor as he adjusted his sweatpants and went to the hall, seeing two figures through the glass on the door, the shadows from the bars on the door helping to obscure the visitors as well. He rolled his eyes and unlocked the door, throwing it open and beginning to yell at the offending addicts that had chosen to wake him at six in the morning.

“What the…!” Kenji never finished his rant as what he saw made him stop mid sentence.

“Kenji?”

He frowned; Rei was stood on his doorstep, barely able to support a young man who had quite obviously seen better days. She was sweating, despite the cold, and looked ready to collapse.

“What’s wrong with him?” he asked, not moving to open the bars to let them in just yet.

“I…don’t know… he’s got a fever… not an addict, please I can’t…” her voice was strained, her teeth gritted together; evidently trying to ignore the fact her body was not happy with her choice of activities.

Kenji rolled his eyes. Years later he’d ask himself why he opened the bars. He’d question exactly what it was that made him help them. Whether it was her voice, or her figure, he’d never know, but he did.

He opened the bars outwards and took the young man and with Rei set him down in the sitting room of his small apartment. Rei fell onto her knees next to the young man and rested her hand on his forehead again.

Kenji watched her as she fussed over the young man, wrapping him up in blankets from her bag. He left her for a second, fetching a pillow from the small second bedroom and placing it under his head.

“What’s going on Rei?” he asked, making sure the tone of his voice explained exactly how he felt about the situation.

“I was working and I came back and he was like this, not moving, just laid there. He’s not an addict he’s just some kid who’s a lost and now he’s ill and it’s my fault… I should have made him go home. He shouldn’t have been out there with me Kenji… he shouldn’t have been out there…..  I… I didn’t know what to do, I don’t know anyone else with a roof over their heads and I can’t take him to hospital because they ask questions and I don’t have answers to anything… please Kenji…. Please let us stay until I find us somewhere else or he gets better. I’ve got money and I’ll get more if you want it, I’ll do anything I just can’t let him die…” she had started sobbing.

He looked at her for a second and said, “Take the small room, and I’ll take money for whatever you use and you’ll help. You understand? I’m not a fucking hostel for you junkies to come and go from.”

She nodded, “thank you Kenji… thank you…”

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

After they’d moved Shuuhei into the small room, Kenji had gone back to bed. Rei knew she’d taken advantage of him, but she didn’t have anyone else.

She was leaning against the wall, watching the rising and falling of her friend’s chest. She didn’t know what to do to help him, apart from keeping him warm and hoping for the best. She picked herself up and went into the kitchen, opening a few of the cupboards looking for a bowl to use in case Shuuhei woke up and was sick again.

She found a large plastic one in a lower cupboard and as she stood up she started to cough. Hacking and whooping as she did so. She wiped her face on her sleeve and returned to Shuuhei’s side. Gently moving his fringe from his face and stroking him gently as he shivered beneath the blanket.

“Please be okay Shuu,” she whispered gently, “please”

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

At midday Kenji opened the door to the small room where Rei and her friend were staying. The young man was still covered in a pile of blankets, sweating and occasionally shivering. Rei… Rei was sat up leaning against the wall. It was obvious she’d fallen asleep watching over her friend.

He’d always liked Rei. She was quiet and funny, but had the decency to come during the day, rather than at whatever time suited her. She always paid and never complained. She was reliable, which was more than could be said for some of his buyers. Even if she didn’t have the money she always paid, one way or another.

It’s why he’d agreed to let her stay, because he knew she wouldn’t interfere, wouldn’t get in his way and, most of all, she wouldn’t cost him much. He’d always liked Rei, even if he’d been harsh to her that morning.

He closed the door to the bedroom and padded into the bathroom, filling the sink with warm water so he could shave. He splashed some over his face and looked himself in the mirror. He wasn’t bad looking, he was very rarely seen clean shaved, but kept a neat trimmed beard that complimented his shoulder length hair.

He was certainly in a better state that the girl in the next room. Despite him selling drugs, he’s only taken them once, as a teenager. The resulting vomiting and headache and run in with the police had been enough to put him off taking them, but selling them? That was good money- if they paid properly.

After he’d finished neatening his beard and cleaning the shaving foam off his face, he heard a noise behind him. Rei was stood at the door watching him carefully.

He looked over her carefully, noticing her thin wrists and pale skin, her cracked lips and long very messy hair… no this wasn’t the same person he’d first met. The eyes were the same colour, but they were missing something, the hair was the same colour but it didn’t hang like it used to.

He knew why she was like this, hell; he could even be called responsible for it. It was his brother who’d brought her here. It was him, who sold her the first baggie of her life. It was him who’d kept giving them to her. It was his brother who’d started this and his brother was no longer alive to take responsibility for the young woman who’d ruined her life for him… that might be part of it too…

“You can wipe that look of pity off your face Kenji. It’s not a flattering one.” Rei said, breaking his concentration.

He scowled and ignored the implication the she knew what he was thinking. He turned back to the mirror and asked, “How’s your friend?”

“Shuuhei’s still out of it. His fever’s coming down a bit and he’s started mumbling so I’m taking it as a good sign.” She replied moving to lean against the patch of wall next to the mirror so she could watch him.

He ran his fingers through his hair and then snapped, “What do you want Rei? I’m trying to get ready here!”

She scowled.

“I came to say thank you, Kenji.” She snapped back, causing him to scowl in reply.

She paused and her face softened, saying calmly “I came to say thank you for taking in Shuu and I…… and I came to show my gratitude.”

She pushed off from the wall and put her hands on his shoulders as she stood behind him, massaging them gently, moving them down to remove the t-shirt that covered his body. Kenji knew where this would end up and he knew he shouldn’t take it from her. He knew he should say no, but he didn’t. He never would, because who was he to look a gift horse in the mouth?

 

It was early morning, when Rei returned to her friend. It had been a busy night, but she’d given up after the last one… the feeling was gone and she couldn’t block everything out, like she usually could. She’d thought about going straight for a hit, but she wanted the check up on Shuuhei. He’d not returned when she’d left and she was worried about him. She knew if he wasn’t back that there’d be little point in trying to find him. It was a big city and he could be anywhere, but if he was back, it’d ease her mind a little before she went to see her dealer.

As she ducked under the platform, she smelt him, before she saw him. The smell of vomit was overwhelmingly strong. She gagged, her eyes watering slightly,

“Shuuhei..?” she called

“Shuuhei? Shuu are you here?” she asked again, crawling towards their small camp.

She rounded a support from the platform and was met with a pitiful sight. He was laid, perfectly still, only just breathing, leaning away from the offending puddle of vomit, he face tearstained, pale and waxy. She moved as quickly as she could to his side, he was definitely breathing. Placing her hand tentatively on his forehead she realised he had a fever, and was shivering slightly.

As she gently stroked his face he mumbled something, “…shin…ugh”

She had no idea what he was trying to say but she stroked his cheek again, whispering, “It’s all right Shuu, I’m here. Just relax.”

She laid him down and covered him with all the spare blankets and clothes they had, moving him away from the puddle. She tried to think, of someone, anyone who could help her move him. She didn’t like the idea of taking him to hospital; they’d ask lots of questions: questions she didn’t have the answers to. No, they needed somewhere people weren’t going to ask questions.

“Kenji…” she whispered to herself.

She furrowed her brow slightly, it was risky taking Shuuhei there, but she didn’t have a choice, she’d struggle to carry him there, let alone any further. No, right now he was the best hope she had, of making sure Shuuhei was all right… she rolled here eyes and packed everything she could into her large haversack, stuffing as many of Shuuhei’s things in there as possible. As she was packing, Rei caught sight of the sword Shuuhei carried with him. She held it in her had for a few seconds before putting it into the bag. She figured that Shuuhei would never forgive her if she left it, and it might be useful, if she had any trouble with Kenji.  Rei then wrapped Shuuhei up in blankets and kicked the bags out into the car park, concentrating on moving Shuuhei, without hurting him, or herself.

Despite living on the streets for the last four months, Shuuhei still weighed more than she expected and she almost dropped him, on more than one occasion. Once they were out from underneath the platform she, sat Shuuhei up against a support and placed the haversack on her back. It was only a few streets to Kenji’s, but she was unsure about how well her dealer would take to being woken up at half five in the morning, by one of his clients and her sick friend asking for help…

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

“Fucking junkies! Can’t come at a decent hour of the fucking day can they? Fucking pain in my arse!” Yamamura Kenji growled as he rolled out of bed and onto the floor of his bedroom as the doorbell rang for what felt like the fiftieth time that night.

He grabbed a t-shirt from the floor as he adjusted his sweatpants and went to the hall, seeing two figures through the glass on the door, the shadows from the bars on the door helping to obscure the visitors as well. He rolled his eyes and unlocked the door, throwing it open and beginning to yell at the offending addicts that had chosen to wake him at six in the morning.

“What the…!” Kenji never finished his rant as what he saw made him stop mid sentence.

“Kenji?”

He frowned; Rei was stood on his doorstep, barely able to support a young man who had quite obviously seen better days. She was sweating, despite the cold, and looked ready to collapse.

“What’s wrong with him?” he asked, not moving to open the bars to let them in just yet.

“I…don’t know… he’s got a fever… not an addict, please I can’t…” her voice was strained, her teeth gritted together; evidently trying to ignore the fact her body was not happy with her choice of activities.

Kenji rolled his eyes. Years later he’d ask himself why he opened the bars. He’d question exactly what it was that made him help them. Whether it was her voice, or her figure, he’d never know, but he did.

He opened the bars outwards and took the young man and with Rei set him down in the sitting room of his small apartment. Rei fell onto her knees next to the young man and rested her hand on his forehead again.

Kenji watched her as she fussed over the young man, wrapping him up in blankets from her bag. He left her for a second, fetching a pillow from the small second bedroom and placing it under his head.

“What’s going on Rei?” he asked, making sure the tone of his voice explained exactly how he felt about the situation.

“I was working and I came back and he was like this, not moving, just laid there. He’s not an addict he’s just some kid who’s a lost and now he’s ill and it’s my fault… I should have made him go home. He shouldn’t have been out there with me Kenji… he shouldn’t have been out there…..  I… I didn’t know what to do, I don’t know anyone else with a roof over their heads and I can’t take him to hospital because they ask questions and I don’t have answers to anything… please Kenji…. Please let us stay until I find us somewhere else or he gets better. I’ve got money and I’ll get more if you want it, I’ll do anything I just can’t let him die…” she had started sobbing.

He looked at her for a second and said, “Take the small room, and I’ll take money for whatever you use and you’ll help. You understand? I’m not a fucking hostel for you junkies to come and go from.”

She nodded, “thank you Kenji… thank you…”

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

After they’d moved Shuuhei into the small room, Kenji had gone back to bed. Rei knew she’d taken advantage of him, but she didn’t have anyone else.

She was leaning against the wall, watching the rising and falling of her friend’s chest. She didn’t know what to do to help him, apart from keeping him warm and hoping for the best. She picked herself up and went into the kitchen, opening a few of the cupboards looking for a bowl to use in case Shuuhei woke up and was sick again.

She found a large plastic one in a lower cupboard and as she stood up she started to cough. Hacking and whooping as she did so. She wiped her face on her sleeve and returned to Shuuhei’s side. Gently moving his fringe from his face and stroking him gently as he shivered beneath the blanket.

“Please be okay Shuu,” she whispered gently, “please”

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

At midday Kenji opened the door to the small room where Rei and her friend were staying. The young man was still covered in a pile of blankets, sweating and occasionally shivering. Rei… Rei was sat up leaning against the wall. It was obvious she’d fallen asleep watching over her friend.

He’d always liked Rei. She was quiet and funny, but had the decency to come during the day, rather than at whatever time suited her. She always paid and never complained. She was reliable, which was more than could be said for some of his buyers. Even if she didn’t have the money she always paid, one way or another.

It’s why he’d agreed to let her stay, because he knew she wouldn’t interfere, wouldn’t get in his way and, most of all, she wouldn’t cost him much. He’d always liked Rei, even if he’d been harsh to her that morning.

He closed the door to the bedroom and padded into the bathroom, filling the sink with warm water so he could shave. He splashed some over his face and looked himself in the mirror. He wasn’t bad looking, he was very rarely seen clean shaved, but kept a neat trimmed beard that complimented his shoulder length hair.

He was certainly in a better state that the girl in the next room. Despite him selling drugs, he’s only taken them once, as a teenager. The resulting vomiting and headache and run in with the police had been enough to put him off taking them, but selling them? That was good money- if they paid properly.

After he’d finished neatening his beard and cleaning the shaving foam off his face, he heard a noise behind him. Rei was stood at the door watching him carefully.

He looked over her carefully, noticing her thin wrists and pale skin, her cracked lips and long very messy hair… no this wasn’t the same person he’d first met. The eyes were the same colour, but they were missing something, the hair was the same colour but it didn’t hang like it used to.

He knew why she was like this, hell; he could even be called responsible for it. It was his brother who’d brought her here. It was him, who sold her the first baggie of her life. It was him who’d kept giving them to her. It was his brother who’d started this and his brother was no longer alive to take responsibility for the young woman who’d ruined her life for him… that might be part of it too…

“You can wipe that look of pity off your face Kenji. It’s not a flattering one.” Rei said, breaking his concentration.

He scowled and ignored the implication the she knew what he was thinking. He turned back to the mirror and asked, “How’s your friend?”

“Shuuhei’s still out of it. His fever’s coming down a bit and he’s started mumbling so I’m taking it as a good sign.” She replied moving to lean against the patch of wall next to the mirror so she could watch him.

He ran his fingers through his hair and then snapped, “What do you want Rei? I’m trying to get ready here!”

She scowled.

“I came to say thank you, Kenji.” She snapped back, causing him to scowl in reply.

She paused and her face softened, saying calmly “I came to say thank you for taking in Shuu and I…… and I came to show my gratitude.”

She pushed off from the wall and put her hands on his shoulders as she stood behind him, massaging them gently, moving them down to remove the t-shirt that covered his body. Kenji knew where this would end up and he knew he shouldn’t take it from her. He knew he should say no, but he didn’t. He never would, because who was he to look a gift horse in the mouth?


	14. Out of the Dark

Rei had a rule when she worked. A rule she stuck to meticulously. One rule: Never kiss on the mouth. A kiss on the mouth means romance, it means love and passion and all the things that were nothing to do with her work. It’s a rule she never broke.

She didn’t often let her feelings get in the way. Shuuhei was an exception but she usually didn’t.

You can’t get attached to clients.

She continued to push the t-shirt up, over his head; making sure her fingers stroked his back, gently. When he shivered a little at the touch she smiled.

She threw the t-shirt off to one side and leaned into his back, running her hands down the muscles on his back. She reached around to the front of his sweats and kissed his shoulder blade, using just the right amount of teeth to make him gasp, but not to hurt.

She wasn’t expecting him to grab her wrists and fling her around so she was up against the wall next to the basin, with him pressed up to her, his forehead resting against hers and his hands gently holding her arms.

“You…you don’t have to say thank you like this, Rei.” Kenji whispered to her.

She looked up into his eyes. His hair had fallen forward slightly. Rei smiled and touched his chest, “I know Kenji. It’s up to you what we do now.”

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

He looked down at the young woman against the wall. It wasn’t that he didn’t want it. He was hard and could hear the blood pumping in his ears, but it felt wrong somehow, like it always did. He shouldn’t be taking this from her, even if she was willing to give it. She was more to him than that.

He leaned in and kissed her, gently on the mouth, waiting for her to react. At first she stiffened but Rei didn’t fight, it was like she was trying to work out what to do.

After a few seconds Rei relaxed and returned the kiss. Kenji smirked when the broke apart, and grabbed her around the waist and carried her from the bathroom.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Shuuhei felt queasy when he opened his eyes. He was laid on something hard and unforgiving. Pavement. He took a deep breath and rolled his eyes as he recognised the smell of wet tarmac. It was cold. The air he’d breathed in was so cold it made his chest burn.

He sat up slowly and opened his eyes. He wasn’t where he expected. He was expecting the train station. He was expecting snow or sleet. He was expecting something different.

It was a city, some skyscrapers in the distance, but he was surrounded by old buildings that had been there for centuries, lining either side of the street of which he now stood. One particular building stood on the corner of an intersection. It was made of orange brick, with concrete and sandstone covings and ledges. There was an old clock on one of its sides, maybe a floor up. The pavement beneath his feet was made up of small paving stones, mostly beige, with grey ones, making a huge diamond pattern all across the street. It was similar to a place he’d seen in the living world.

Everything was wet and cold. The sky was grey, but it wasn’t raining. The wind was blowing but it wasn’t strong. It was as if the world was numb.

“You woke up?” a voice said from behind him

He turned to see Kazeshini sat on the floor, leaning against a lamp post. The Zampaktou spirit wasn’t shining like he usually did. His red aura was dull and lifeless, the spirit looked limp. The two scythes, he was rarely ever parted from, were laid on the floor next to him.

“How are you feeling?” Shuuhei asked the spirit, looking around the empty street of his inner world.

“Head hurts.” Grunted the Spirit in reply.

“What’s going on?” Shuuhei asked turning back to look at the spirit.

Kazeshini shrugged causing Shuuhei to scowl. The spirit could be very dense at times, even if they didn’t hate each other anymore. When he realised the shrug was all he was going to get, Shuuhei rolled his eyes and went for a walk.

He couldn’t work out why everything was so cold. It was never cold here. Not since Kensei…

Shuuhei stopped dead.

Kensei…

What had happened? Was he alive? Was he all right?

Shuuhei turned around to look at the still for of his Zampaktou and decided not to ask anymore questions for now.

Kensei… thinking about the man made his chest ache with longing. He felt sick and nervous and scared. Kensei was ill, something was wrong and there he was stuck in his inner world, with no idea how to get back to the Living World and Rei or Kensei. He sighed.

Shuuhei sat down on the kerb of an intersection and started to think about when his inner world had begun to change. It used to be a black and red chaotic mess, filled with sharp edges and dangerous corners, which represented the repression of his Zampaktou and his fear of the angry, vengeful emotions he had repressed.

Kensei had changed that, even before they got together. He made Shuuhei see that fear of his Zampaktou was unhealthy. To be wary and to respect ones Zampaktou was a better way to learn from it, to develop his relationship. Kensei had told him that for one hour everyday he should talk to Kazeshini. Once they managed to get a decent conversation flowing, Kensei let them spar together; teaching him to converse in battle and to not repress the emotions released in a fight, so that Shuuhei and Kazeshini could become more powerful and understand each other better Kensei set about undoing the damage Tousen had done in his training.

When he and Kensei had started a relationship it was clear Kazeshini like the presence of the man. Kazeshini would purr in the back of Shuuhei's mind, when Kensei stroked the hairs on the back of his neck. Shuuhei also learned, much later, that when he and Kensei made love, Tachikaze and the hollow, and Kazeshini could interact together, they fed off the other, their Zampaktou spirits and their reiatsu merged together.  The four of them became a unit that worked together.

It was Kazeshini that suggested they left. It surprised Shuuhei, but it made sense to him when he thought about it. As Kazeshini said, it was his job to bring up the ideas Shuuhei unconsciously repressed.

Shuuhei sighed again feeling the spirit coming up behind him.

“It’s cold here. It’s never cold. Not since Kaze and the Hollow came.” Kazeshini said, standing a little way back from him.

“It’s because of what happened in Soul Society with Kensei… do you… is he alive?” Shuuhei asked the spirit, hoping he could provide an answer.

Kazeshini paused for a moment, before saying, “I think so. I can still feel them calling out to me, but it’s like they’re very far away.”

Shuuhei sighed in relief. Kensei was alive that was all that mattered, right now.

“But I don’t… I don’t understand what happened…” Shuuhei said, looking at the spirit behind him.

“It’s because they’re here and I’m there.” Kazeshini answered, “Because we can communicate even though we’re apart, they were trying to reach us and we were too far away from them to find consciously, but we were drawn back to them.”

Shuuhei nodded carefully, “So there’s nothing we can do about it now?”

Kazeshini shook his head, “From what I saw, there’s nothing we can do from here.”

Shuuhei nodded again, cursing himself for leaving Kensei behind.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

“I need to go and check on Shuuhei”

Kenji growled and tightened his arms around the young woman, making it perfectly clear he was not happy with this.

Rei sighed and turned to look at him, “I really need to check on him, and we could both do with a shower.”

Kenji rolled his eyes at this but loosened him grip on Rei, allowing her to crawl out of bed. She had a few bruises on her body, some fading on her wrists, and on her legs, probably from overzealous clients. She was painfully thin. He could see the outline of her ribs as she moved around collecting her things from the floor.

“There’s some clothes in the closet in the small room. They’re from a while ago, but they’re clean if you want them. It means you can wash what you’ve been wearing. There’s some of his stuff in there, so you’re friend can borrow that if he wants.”

She turned around clad only in the underwear she’d picked up from the floor. She studied him carefully and then moved over to the bed and kissed him gently on the lips,

“Thank you Kenji.”

With those whispered words she left him, to his thoughts. He ran his hand down his face and then through his hair. Kenji threw back the covers and walked to the bathroom. If he was going to start thinking deeply, he needed to have a shower. Thinking in bed was too difficult.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

As she walked towards where Shuuhei was sleeping she managed to throw on her jeans and top, before she walked in to check on him. He was still murmuring in his sleep and his fever had dropped again. She smiled as she stroked his cheek gently.

She walked over to the closet and opened it to find everything neatly stacked. On one of the lover shelves, there were two piles of clothes. She searched through her pile first, knowing most of the clothes in it had belonged to her. She found a pair of jeans; a grey t-shirt and a black hoodie, that she was certain had belonged to a younger Kenji, before it was passed onto his brother. She sighed and folded everything up before leaving it on the shelf, and searching through the other pile, trying to find something that might fit Shuuhei.

Eventually she settled on some jeans, and a t-shirt, both of which would be too big, but it meant he’d be able to wash his stuff.

While she was putting the things away, she heard Shuuhei shuffle in his sleep. Rei walked over and knelt beside him, testing his temperature again, with a hand on his forehead.

Shuuhei’s eyes opened slightly, “Rei…?”


	15. Recover

“Rei?”

She jumped a little hearing her name from Shuuhei. She wasn’t expecting him to wake up. Not yet. He looked at her and the little colour he had left his face. She was at his side quickly sitting him up and holding his head over the bowl she’d left at his side.

As Shuuhei emptied his stomach, she held, him, rubbing his back, trying very hard not to wretch from the acrid smell. When he’d finished she put the bowl down and helped him to lay on his side, just in case.

She started stroking his hair and gently asked, “How do you feel?”

“Shit” was the reply before Shuuhei started coughing. She helped him sit up a little and leant him against the wall, before going to get him some water to drink, to stop the acid burning his throat. He was vomiting again when she returned.

Sweating and trembling as he clutched the bowl as close to him as he could. Rei placed the water on the side and went to sit next to him, rubbing his back.

He finished and relaxed a little. She took the bowl from his hands and handed him the water,

“Drink slowly Shuu, Don’t guzzle this.” She said, wiping the sweat from his forehead with her sleeve.

She watched as he drank, slowly taking sips until he was certain not to throw up again. He handed her the glass and tried to speak but Rei cut him off,

“Leave the questions until later Shuu, just rest now. I’m going to run you a bath and wash you so you can go back to sleep. But just rest for now, I’ll come and get you when the bath’s ready.

He nodded and relaxed back under the covers, shifting slightly, trying to stop his jeans from chaffing against his skin. Rei frowned at the action and said, “I’m going to see if I can find you something more comfortable than that. There are only jeans in the cupboard.”

Shuuhei nodded, too weak and tired to ask how she knew what was in the cupboard behind him.

Before she left the room she kissed him gently on the head and he caught the scent of men’s aftershave. He knew what it meant and he didn’t like it, but he could barely move at that moment.

Rei smiled at him reassuringly as she left and went back to Kenji’s bedroom. The door was closed so she knocked on the doorframe first. She felt ridiculous doing so, considering the events of that morning and previous times, but it still felt wrong to just go in unannounced. She knew he’d recently come from the bathroom because she could feel the heat escaping the bathroom from the ajar door. Rei could smell shower gel and shampoo, as well.

“Come.” Kenji said from the other side of the door.

She walked in and closed the door behind her. She moved and sat down cross legged on the bed and watched as Kenji moved around getting ready. His hair was still wet, hanging down in small points; there were droplets of water on his back, dripping down towards the towel at his waist as he looked in his closet for some clothes.

“What do you want Rei?”

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Kenji looked up when he heard the knock on the door. He knew it was Rei, she was always a little weird about things like that. Despite their past exploits.

“Come” he said simply before returning to look for some clothes in the closet.

He heard her enter and that she moved to the bed. She then didn’t say anything, which confused him. She was watching him though, which made him uncomfortable.

“Rei what do you want?” he said turning from the closet, closing the door with his foot.

“I came to ask for some joggers or some lounge pants for Shuuhei. He’s not fit to move yet. He’s still vomiting and can barely lift his head without help.” She replied, biting her lip

Kenji studied her carefully and it was clear that she was worried. He put the clothes down on the bed and sat next to her, resting his hand on her thigh.

“He’ll be all right Rei. He will.”

She nodded in response

“Can you keep an eye on him tonight? I’ve got some stuff to do.” She asked.

Kenji tilted his head questioningly, but before he could get an answer she’d taken some joggers off the bed and had closed the door behind her. Kenji frowned and sighed, he knew what “stuff” meant and he knew why she was doing it. He’d seen her hands shaking. He rolled his eyes and got dressed.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Rei went back to Shuuhei and found he had returned to sleep. His hair was still sticking to his forehead, even thought his fever had gone down. She moved to take his jacket off, and his jeans. She carefully pulled the joggers onto Shuuhei, they were slightly too big for his slim frame, but they’d do for now. Rei found a t-shirt from the pile she’d selected earlier and left it to one side. She didn’t want to wake him yet. Sitting against the wall she positioned herself to wait for Shuuhei to wake up again.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Kenji had left Rei with Shuuhei for most of the morning, but as it neared lunchtime he felt he should offer her something to eat. Upon opening the door he found Rei asleep against the wall and Shuuhei mumbling in a restless sleep.

Kenji frowned and knelt next to the man, resting the back of his hand oh his forehead testing his temperature. He was still feverish but nothing to be worried about. A few more days rest should help him recover entirely.

A knock at the front door made him jump. He’d been expecting some earlier than this, but junkies will call when they call.

Kenji rolled his eyes and closed the door to the room before answering the door.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

There were men talking and laughing somewhere close by. She could hear them, even before she opened her eyes properly. She could hear the soft deep murmur of Kenji’s voice and a higher more irritating one, which went higher and lower at erratic intervals.

“They’re been talking for a while” a very hoarse voice said, making her jump.

“Shuu! How do you feel?” she said testing his temperature. There seemed to be little or no change in his fever.

“Like shit,” he managed before he was hit by a coughing fit, which racked his body, causing him to vomit into the bowl Rei was holding out for him.

The door opened but Rei ignored it. They could wait, no matter who they were.

“Think he can manage a bath now?” Kenji asked from the doorway behind her.

She nodded, not turning around, focusing on Shuuhei. Making sure he vomited into the bowl and not anywhere else.

She heard Kenji leave, closely followed by the sound of running water. She smiled slightly and supported Shuuhei on her arm and carried him to the bathroom.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Three days after he had first woken up. Shuuhei could sit up by himself and walk, all be it very slowly, to the bathroom leaning on the wall. He had woken up because someone was in the room with him, moving around as quietly as possible. Shuuhei opened his eyes to find Kenji, clearing his dinner things from his bedside.

“Where’s Rei?” he asked, his voice still hoarse.

“She insisted on going to work. She said something about not taking charity and needing a hit. She asked me to keep an eye on you.” The man replied before leaving, closing the door behind him.

Shuuhei scowled. He had worked out a few things in his hours of consciousness. One: Kenji was a dealer of some description, which was evident due to the shaking and zombie-like figures he’d seen coming in and out when he was moving to and from the bathroom. They reminded him of Rei, sunken eyes, pale skin, cracked lips, some even had small scabs under their noses like Rei did. Two: Rei and Kenji knew each other better than most. He may have been stuck in bed, but he wasn’t stupid.

He scowled slightly, not liking this arrangement at all.

_Chill Shinigami, we can take him, no doubt about it, so relax._

Shuuhei’s scowl deepened upon hearing this from Kazeshini, but worse than that, he agreed with the spirit. If that man hurt Rei, he’d tear him apart.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

The next time he woke up, Rei was there. Her eyes were wide and she was twitching her nose. Shuuhei knew better than to try and speak to her like this. He’d try later..

She’d been to work, he knew. He could see the faded lipstick and smudged mascara around her eyes. He wanted to sigh, but held it in, slowly rolling over to go back to sleep.

 

 


	16. Run

Four days later, Shuuhei was sat on the sofa in Kenji’s living room. Rei was half asleep on his shoulder and he was watching whatever crap was on the television during the day.

“We can’t stay here much longer Shuu,” she said quietly, making him jump.

“Probably not. I’m not sure Kenji appreciates my presence as much as he does yours…” Shuuhei replied.

“That was unnecessary Shuuhei.” Rei whispered.

He placed a hand on her shoulder and whispered, “I know, I’m sorry Rei, I didn’t mean to-“

“I know you didn’t Shuu and you’re right. Kenji and I need to stop. I’m a mess as it is without adding him into the mix.”

Instead of replying to that, Shuuhei just stroked her hair gently. she looked a little healthier he thought, she wasn’t eating, she never did, but she was cleaner and it made her look healthier, even if Shuuhei knew the scab under her nose was bigger, the rings under her eyes were darker and her skin was so pale now, she looked almost grey. He didn’t like to think about how fragile she felt, because that hurt a little bit too much to bear.

“We should leave today. While he’s out, he’ll only want me to stay if we don’t. The bags are already packed…”

Shuuhei looked down at her and nodded, “If that’s what you think is best Rei, I’m with you.”

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

After gathering their things together, Shuuhei and Rei left Kenji’s apartment. Rei had written a note and left it with a large bundle of cash on the sideboard of the kitchen. Shuuhei ignored this, knowing most of it was for his care over the last two weeks. He didn’t like the thought of Rei leaving cash on the side, but they needed to leave before Kenji came back from wherever he was,

Rei had taken something else from the kitchen but he preferred not to ask what it was, mainly because he knew he wouldn’t like the answer.

It was raining when they left. It was cold and the rain only made it colder, seeping everywhere, down their backs, between their coats and hoodies, up their jeans and, in Rei’s case, into her shoes. By the time they’d walked a few blocks, Shuuhei realised they were back in the centre of the town and Rei was leading him towards the Train Station.

“Rei where are we going?” he asked, taking her hand in his, hoping he wouldn’t lose her in the crowd.

“We’re going away. I don’t know where yet, we should just leave as quickly as we can.”

“Is this to do with what you took from the drawer?”

She frowned at him, “I paid for that Shuu. No, this is because I feel the need to move. I can’t stay here.”

He nodded and said, “There’s a few trains leaving in the next ten minutes, if you give me the money I’ll pick a random one and we’ll take that one to wherever.”

Rei nodded and dug around in her rucksack, taking out a small wad of money, hiding the much larger sum deep in the bag.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

As they sat on the platform, waiting for the train to arrive, Rei huddled in to him shaking slightly. He knew she was cold and he was doing his best to keep her warm. He should have picked a different train…

She suddenly started coughing, like she used to under the station. He made her sit up and handed her some water. She leaned forward slightly and it seemed to help. He shook his head,

“We shouldn’t be going anywhere. Not with you like this, we should have waited until the weather was better.”

Rei wheezed a little before answering, “What in that apartment? You don’t mean that Shuu, this isn’t ideal, but it’s better than staying there.”

Her friend sighed in response, “You’re right, but we’re staying indoors tonight.”

When Rei looked up she realised there was no use arguing. He was being serious. Maybe it was a good thing. Her chest hurt, and her heart felt like it was moving too fast. Shuuhei was right; it’d do her good to sleep somewhere proper for a night.

He looked down the tracks and through the rain she could see the lights of their train,

“It’s here Shuu.” He looked in the direction she was and smiled,

At least it’ll be warmer and dryer than out here,” he answered with a small grin. 


	17. Reason

“You’re task is simple. Find Hisagi Fukutaichou but do not attempt to make contact. Hide your reiatsu at all times to ensure you are not detected by him or anything else. If you discover his whereabouts, report back to your Taichou or Fukutaichou immediately. Discretion and caution are advised at all times. If Hisagi Fukutaichou does not wish to be found, he will most likely not hesitate in disarming and disabling you to avoid detection. Take your co-ordinates from the representative of your squad and go with care, the lives of the ninth’s Taichou and Fukutaichou hang in the balance.”

Unohana Taichou looked out that the many faces of Shinigami, each had the same serious expression of nervousness and seriousness on their faces, although some of the younger ones looked terrified. Renji, Kira and Shinji stood behind her waiting to be approached by their respective squads for their co-ordinates.

She knew why they’d asked her to give the mission briefing. They needed someone to explain the serious of the situation without getting angry, flustered or sarcastic. Each of the three men, hid behind their defences and it would not help them find Hisagi-san. That was why she had agreed; to ensure Hisagi was found so that they could save Kensei.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Whatever he was laid on was damp. It was seeping into his clothes. He was cold. Everything was silent. His inner world was in chaos. It was dark and filled with floating particles, swirling around in a nauseating array of colours. His head hurt, he felt dizzy, he could feel bile rising in his throat and he turned to vomit. Even in his inner world his body was affected severely by whatever had caused the pain he’d felt before collapsing.

The last thing he remembered was thinking about Shuuhei and reaching out trying to find his reiatsu, after that everything went black and the pain had taken over. He vaguely remembered Shinji’s voice and the calm tones of Unohana but it was just pain. A headache that pierced his whole head, throbbing and stabbing, contracting muscles cramping and stinging, he remembered the scream of Tachikaze.

He remembered she’d screamed in agony.

“Kaze…?” the word echoed around his head. It was met with silence.

“Kaze…? Answer me, please?”

“Kensei…” she whispered, her voice croaking.

He sighed in relief, before asking, “What going on?”

She whimpered in response. He reached out towards the noise and felt her ankle within reached. Kensei squeezed it gently before blacking out.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

When he came to he could see the usual purple sky above him. The black clouds, which signified trouble, were slowly closing in, circling and swirling like the beginnings of a storm. He scowled, but winced when he felt his muscles burn. His arms ached, his shoulders, his legs… he just hurt. In the back of his head there was an ache that flared up when he thought too hard.

Kensei groaned. He squeezed Kaze’s ankle which was still in his hand. She was cold. He could feel her slim form shivering, beneath her grey and purple robes. Kensei groaned again and forced himself to sit up. Everything was black, grey and swirling. A mass of darkness twisted about him and his Zampaktou.

Chaos reigned in his inner world now, and as Kensei looked around, seeing the glimpses of red in the black, he knew why.

What used to hold his world together was too far away; It was ripping itself apart trying to find Shuuhei. Kensei was trapped, deteriorating from the inside out, his mind first and then his body. Without Shuuhei he was nothing and nothing brought the darkness…

“Shuu, hurry…” Kensei rasped into the nothingness his world was crumbling into.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Young and anxious to prove himself to his Taichou and, more importantly, his Fukutaichou; Rikichi kept his senses keen and trying to sense any reiatsu that didn’t belong to the Ryoka. He could sense them not too far away and they were distracting. He needed to move away from them in the hope of finding Hisagi Fukutaichou.

He moved away from the centre of Karakura Town, through the rain towards what the map of the town he had been given described as a “train station”. He was hopping from building to building looking for a glance of anything remotely like the ninth squad’s vice-Captain; tall, slim-build, black spikes. There were plenty of them around, inside mostly, but none of them felt powerful, in fact Rikichi didn’t feel anything until he landed on the roof of the train station.

It was a cold feeling that felt… distant. It had to be. He hoped it would be, as he shunpo-ed into the main building looking for any source of the power.

And there in the crowd was the slim build and dark hair of Hisagi Shuuhei. He had his back to Rikichi but it was clearly him. he could even feel the power flowing from the man, even though it was well repressed. He could see the bands designed for the infiltration of the human world wrapped around Hisagi’s arms and neck. That was how he’d stayed hidden for so long, because he didn’t want to be found.

There was a young, dark-haired woman leaning on him, she was looking around, as though lost, as if she could feel someone looking at her. She started coughing, a horrid hacking sound like those of the Captain of the Thirteenth Squad made when he was ill. He moved further away from them, so as not to draw attention to himself, by allowing Hisagi to feel his Reiastu.

He looked on the woman sadly, with her thin frame and sickly appearance; she did not look long for this world. Rikichi frowned, at this thought and decided it would be best to return and explain to Renji Fukutaichou exactly what he had seen.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

The train was warmer than the platform, but Rei still shivered. She refused to admit she was cold and knew that once she started to dry out, she’d be fine. She knew she was lying, to herself and Shuuhei, but she’d be damned if she was going to admit defeat now. She had an idea where to go when they reached the place they were going, she’d passed through there a few times with Kenji’s brother. There was motel not far from the station. Cheap but clean and warm, which was the most important thing right now.

And she and Shuuhei would be safe there, at least for a while. She wasn’t running from Kenji, she wasn’t running in general, she just felt… wrong. She could feel her heart skipping a beat every now and again and her chest felt tight, as though she’d been running. She felt dizzy, nauseous; she just felt wrong.

She could blame it on travel sickness all she liked, but deep down she knew something wasn’t right. She didn’t say anything to Shuuhei. He was worried enough as it was, no point worrying him over what was probably a reaction to some bad drugs.

She started coughing again. They were hacking and whooped in a manner that drew the stares of some of the commuters. She didn’t care about them. Her chest hurt, her head hurt and it was only making the coughing worse.

She could feel Shuuhei’s arm around her shoulder throughout the fit. Stroking her back and moving her hair behind her ear. She could even see him frowning with worry.

“You okay?” he asked, wiping the tears that had started to fall.

“Yeah, just a coughing fit s’all.” She replied, leaning back into her seat, resting her head on his shoulder.

“We’re getting off at the next stop, are you going to be all right to walk?” Shuuhei asked, concern still heavy in his voice.

“Should be, there’s a motel not too far from the station. We should be able to get a room there for a few days; I just need a rest is all.”

He didn’t reply, choosing to nod, rather than reveal his scepticism about her health. He wasn’t stupid.


	18. Troubled Soul

Rikichi stood and gave his report to three Captains and two vice-captains and it made him highly nervous. He knew it was Hisagi-Fukutaichou, he’d seen his face, felt his Reiastu, but that didn’t mean the four men in front of him didn’t make him nervous.

“You’re sure, 100% sure that it was him?” Renji-Fukutaichou asked,

“Yes, I’m certain I saw his face. He was in Karakura Train Station, just arriving.”

“Renji you’ve asked him that four times and he’s said yes every time. I think we’ve got to take his intel’ as correct and go investigate if it’s him for ourselves. You won’t be happy until you see it for yourself and neither will I.” Kira said, seriously.

“Then you should get going as soon as possible. Kensei is getting worse by the minute.” The third squad’s captain said, looking between the two Vice-Captains with a meaningful look.

“Yes, Renji, you should go as soon as you are ready. Muguruma-san’s Reiastu is becoming highly oppressive and affecting those outside the fourth division’s barracks now.”

The two vice-Captains exchanged and look and nodded. Before turning and heading towards the door.

As he reached the door, Renji turned around and said, “Good work kid.”

Before hurrying off to catch up to Kira.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Once in their room, Rei all but collapsed onto one of the single beds. It wasn’t much, when Shuuhei looked around: two single beds, desk, TV and a small ensuite. It would do for the two of them and for what they were paying he was not about to complain about anything, when it was this clean.

He sat next to Rei and rested his hand on her forehead. She didn’t feel feverish, or cold, but she was still shivering. Shuuhei frowned, but he could tell she was tired, so he didn’t push it. He dug around in the rucksack for the soft cotton tracksuit bottoms and t-shirt that were hers and passed them to her, gently moving her hair.

“I’m going to run you a bath, maybe you can relax a little bit and it might help you feel better.”

She half responded with a nod, before rolling over to face him and offering a half smile. She felt restless but too tired to fight it, she felt dizzy and light-headed and she could barely breathe.

It felt like there was something crushing her chest.

Stabbing pains radiated from her chest, across her shoulder, back and up her neck into her jaw.

Something wasn’t right.

She wasn’t breathing.

She was being crushed from the inside.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Shuuhei walked out from the bathroom and looked around, Rei was nowhere to been seen.

“Rei? Rei where are you?”

He heard a muffled groan from the floor and found her laid between the two beds, face down. Her skin was grey and she was breathing rapidly as if she couldn’t get enough air. Rei’s eyes were open but she wasn’t responding. He grabbed the phone from the bedside table and dialled 119 praying for someone to pick up.

“Fire and Ambulance Services, which service do you require?” a trained calm voice on the other end was like a wave of relief crashing over him.

“An ambulance, my friend, she’s breathing rapidly and he’s skins grey, please help, I don’t know what to do.”

“Okay sir can you give me your location please?”

Shuuhei reeled off the room number and the name of the motel quickly,

“Okay thank you sir, an ambulance has been dispatched for you. Now is your friend still breathing?”

“Yes, she is.”

“And you said he skin was grey, is it ice cold to touch?”

He touched Rei’s cheek gently, “No.”

“Is she conscious and talking to you?”

“She’s just lying there…”

“Okay sir, I need you to place something under her head, a pillow and jacket, just to support her airways, and ensure they stay in a good position.”

Shuuhei grabbed a pillow off the bed and gently put it under Rei’s head. On the other end of the phone, the man kept giving him advice, asking him questions, about Rei’s condition, trying to help.

Shuuhei practically ran to the door when the ambulance arrived, he answered their questions, how long had she been like this, what happened before this. There were more but they blurred together into one big string of words he couldn’t make out.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

They asked him questions at the hospital. They asked him about drugs and he wasn’t going to lie to them. He had to tell them, if it meant they might be able to save her; he’d tell them everything. About the drugs, and the men she slept with, about the crappy food they ate and the fact they’d lived under a train station for weeks.

A nurse said she needed surgery and that someone would come and speak to him with an update as soon as possible. He didn’t even get to say goodbye and tell her to fight.

He took a seat and looked around. He was surrounded by grey-faced, worried family and friends. He knew what Rei would say: misery loves company.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

They landed in the training ground below Urahara’s shop. They shopkeeper was waiting for them, with Yoruichi in her feline form wrapped around his neck.

“If you hadn’t announced your arrival, I would have contacted you anyway, I felt Hisagi’s Reiastu about an hour ago. He must be very distressed for it to be leaking as badly as it is through the dampeners. I have pinpointed his location at the hospital on the other side of the town. It’s a large grey building with a red cross on it. Even you two shouldn’t be able to miss it.” Urahara explained, moving aside to let them pass.

As Renji rushed past he replied, “Arigato geta-bōshi.”

Urahara frowned at the use of the nickname, but let it slide. They needed to find their friend.

“Do you think he’s all right?” Yoruichi asked from around his neck

“From his Reiastu breaking through the dampeners as much as this, probably not; he’s not injured though; it’s fear.”

The feline purred thoughtfully around his neck as they walked back upstairs to the shop.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

“You’re with Miss Otsuka?”

The sharp voice made him jump slightly. Shuuhei turned to find a thin man, slightly smaller than himself, with bluish hair and glasses was watching him pace up and down the corridor.

Shuuhei studied him for a moment before nodding, “yes I am.”

“I’m Doctor Ryuuken Ishida, Chief of Surgery and Head of Cardio at Karakura hospital. Are you her family?” said the man, holding out a hand in a brisk manner. He had the air of someone you shouldn’t cross, with his sharp tone. Yet, Shuuhei could see softness in his eyes.

Shuuhei took his hand and replied, “Not directly, but I’m what she has.”

Letting go of his had Doctor Ishida frowned slightly before nodding, that was all he needed to know. “I need to speak to you about Miss Otsuka, would you follow me please.”

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

“The repeated use of cocaine can have detrimental effects upon the heart, particularly if that person was born with an abnormality. Your friend Miss Otsuka –“

“Rei” Shuuhei cut him off, “her name is Rei.”

Doctor Ishida nodded and continued,

“Rei… was born with an arrhythmia which means that the strain on her heart is much greater than on a person born with a healthy heart. One of the effects of cocaine is that it increases your heart rate and therefore the pressure within your heart increases also. This can then damage the wall of the heart, which is what has happened to your friend. The incident you witnessed today is called a cardiac tamponade, where fluid accumulates in the pericardium. We were able to remove this fluid. However the damage has been done and there is little we can do for your friend. She is awake and one of the other cardiothoracic surgeons has explained this to her. We have also explained to her that she will experience severe withdrawals in the next few hours, which will strain her heart. Having explained this she has requested that no extreme measure should be taken.” Shuuhei swallowed,

“W-what are you saying?” Shuuhei croaked

“Mr Hisagi, I regret to inform you that the only way your friend will live is if we can find a viable heart for her in the next few hours, otherwise, there is little we can do to save her heart. She has requested that in the event of cardiac arrest we do not try to resuscitate her. We have explained the implications of this to her and she is fully aware of what this will mean.”

Shuuhei could feel the tears on his cheeks, “She’s going to die.”

It wasn’t a question. It was a statement of fact. It was Shuuhei choking out the realisation that he was going to lose his friend. He was going to lose another friend and there was nothing to do but watch.

Shuuhei sat staring at him, catching the stoic Doctor off guard. He’d seen every response to this news: anger, grief, slow acceptance, but no one had ever just sat there. He knew that he needed to leave the young to decide on his own what to do. Doctor Ishida stood from his chair and placed a hand on the young man’s shoulder,

“I really am, very sorry Mr Hisagi.”

He then left the young man to his sorrow.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

After Doctor Ishida left him, Shuuhei slowly went back to Rei’s room and stood in the doorway, watching over the figure of his friend. She looked tiny, encased in white sheets, drowning under a sea of IV fluid bags, tubes and wires. The oxygen mask that covered her face shrank her form even more.

It hurt to see her like this. The rings under her eyes so prominent, the cracks in her lips cavernous, he could see the brown scabbing under her nose, where the doctors said it had started to rot. The only thing that looked like it was living was her hair. The nurses had washed it for her while she was unconscious; during the bath they’d given her after the operation to drain the fluid on her heart. It had a dull shine to it now, spread out across her pillow, the black a stark contrast to the hospital sheets.

“Mnfh…”

The noise made him jump slightly. When he focused his attention properly he saw Rei trying to move her hand to get rid of the mask.

He rushed over to her and gently pulled the mask down. As he did so she started to cough and wheeze, but when he tried to replace it she wouldn’t let him, shaking her head the little she could. Close up he could see her shivering, despite the temperature of the room, but sweating also. He assumed this was the effects of the withdrawals and the pain medication Dr Ishida had given her.

“Shuu…?” He looked into his friend’s eyes and the look that met his gaze made his chest tighten.

It was a look he’d seen on the battlefield. The look of acceptance. The look of resignation. It was a look of knowing and it hurt to think he was going to lose the friend that had started to heal all his wounds. He felt a warm tear run down his cheek as he reached to wipe away the one’s marring Rei’s face.

“Don’t cry Shuu. Not for me. We always knew this was going to happen sooner or later.” She whispered croakily.

He nodded in reply and, stroking her hair, he gently said, “I know Rei. I know, it’s just I’m losing someone else. I’m losing you, you started to fix me and now you’re leaving.”

She coughed again, and reached slowly to touch his hand, “Shuu, you didn’t need me to fix you, because you didn’t need fixing. You just needed help coming to terms with your life. You needed to find a way to ease the pain.”

A coughing fit struck her again and Shuuhei placed the mask back on her face. His friend did not complain, telling him she really was going to leave him soon. He could feel her hand shaking violently in his.

After a few minutes Rei tried to remove her mask. Shuuhei helped her and waited as she composed her breathing and looked him in the eye,

“We are always looking for ways to ease the pain, Shuu. Sometimes we ease the pain by making the best of what we have, sometimes it’s by losing ourselves in the moment, and sometimes all we need to do to ease the pain is: call a simple truce.”

He tilted his head; unsure of her meaning at first, but then it came over him like a cool breeze on a summer’s day. He realised where he’d been going wrong. He’d been trying to fight the past and fight the truth because he thought it’d fix him, but he’d been wrong. He needed to make peace and move forward.

Shuuhei stroked her cheek gently and nodded,

“Rest now, Rei. I’ll be here.”

She nodded and allowed him to replace the mask on her face. Keeping her hand in his, they fell into an easy silence, listening to the irregular beep of the heart monitor and the hum of the machines. At some point it had started to get dark, Shuuhei kept his eyes on the face of friend as her breathing slowed and her eyes stopped moving behind their lids.

Shuuhei didn’t know what time it was when she finally left him. All he could feel was her cold fingers in his hand. All he could hear was the flat-lined drone of the heart monitor. All he could do was sit and cry for his friend, knowing he would probably never see her again.

He was so wrapped up in his grief that Shuuhei never noticed the nurse come in and turn off the monitor; he was so focused on his friend he didn’t notice the Reiatsu of his two closest friends stood at the door, watching their friend weep over the body of an unfamiliar woman. He never noticed the look exchanged between the redhead and the blond. He wasn’t aware of them closing the door to the room and sitting against it, watching over him as he grieved.

They also stood guard over the soul of the woman, who spent the night weeping with her head rested on Shuuhei’s knees.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Sometime in the early hours, Shuuhei had cried himself to sleep and the young woman’s soul stayed attached to his knees with her head rested on him, obviously wanting to comfort her friend in any way she could.

Renji sent a look to Kira, who nodded and rose from his vigil at the door and walked over to the woman. Renji watched as Kira gently placed his hand on the woman’s shoulder, making her jump. She turned in fright and horror; confusion was written across her features.

Kira placed a finger on his lips and held out his hand, hoping to pull her away from Shuuhei so they could talk without disturbing him. She looked between Kira’s hand and Shuuhei before her eyes finally settled on Renji. He could feel her eyes raking over his tattoos,

“Renji?” she whispered gently.

He felt his eyes widen of their own accord, but nodded in response.

She looked up at his partner and said, “And Kira?”

Renji watched as his friend smiled and nodded to her. She took his hand and was pulled to her feet. Kira started to pull her away from Shuuhei, but she held her ground for a minute to look over him. She gently ran he fingers through his hair, the black stood out, stark against her white skin.

“I can touch him?” she said turning to look at the two men.

Renji nodded to her and patted the floor next to him. She gracefully, placed herself next to him and Kira sat to her right, all three of them watching Shuuhei as he slept.

“So… I…I died?”

“Yes” whispered Kira gently, taking her hand in an attempt at comfort.

“And I can’t go back?” she asked looking at him hopefully, “Not even to look after him?”

Kira shook his head solemnly and she nodded.

“I thought it was worth a shot…How can you see me?” she asked looking between them, “how can I touch him if I’m dead?”

Renji looked over her and said, “It’s complicated.”

He motioned to a chair on their side of the room and her spirit took it, watching them both carefully.

“So explain” she croaked, leaning forward.

Renji shared a look with Kira, who started to tell her everything.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Rei had remained quiet throughout the story, trying to process the information about Soul Society and Shinigami and then Aizen and Tousen and Kensei and Renji and Kira… and Shuuhei. She sighed quietly, feeling a terribly sickening feeling of pity well up inside her. It upset her because her friend didn’t need pity. He’d just needed some advice from a fucking normal person…

Rei stood up and walked over to her body, “Look at me… I’m such a mess. I dragged him into this mess and now I’ve left him in it…”

She turned away in anger and grief, looking out of the window onto the lights of the city. Renji and Kira stayed where they were, leaving her to process the information and realise that she couldn’t stay here.

They sat in silence; with only the rain falling outside and droplets splashing against the glass. As she watched a small sob escaped the girl and tears started to fall down her cheeks.

Renji moved to comfort her, but was stopped, halfway through standing up, by a voice.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Shuuhei had fallen asleep with his head resting on Rei’s bed, vaguely remembering that he’d felt a weight on his lap. He hadn’t let go of her hand, but as he awoke he could hear that rain had started falling at some point as he rested.

He started when he heard a choked sob, he turned to look at the body in the bed, as still and as peaceful as when he’d last looked.

He looked up at the window and saw the translucent figure of his friend, her back to him stood with her arms folded hunched over, sobbing quietly,

“Rei?” he asked not quite believing her spirit was still here.

She jumped and turned to look at him, tears streaming down her face. She rushed towards him, wrapping her arms around his neck, sobbing gently, repeatedly whispering, “I’m sorry,”

Shuuhei just held her as she cried. Stroking her hair saying it’d be okay, because it would be. He was going to send her to Soul Society. He could find her there, or try to. If Kuchiki Taichou could find his wife’s sister, Shuuhei could find Rei. As she stopped sobbing she mumbled something incoherent against his chest.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

“What did you say?” Shuuhei asked smiling a little.

“I said, there are some people here to look after you for me. From Soul Society…” she trailed off watching the expression on his face change to shock when she mentioned Soul Society. Rei sent a pointed look over his shoulder and he turned to see his two best friends, leaning against the door, looking very interested in the walls and ceiling, until Shuuhei cleared his throat.

Kira met his eyes and tilted his head as if waiting for a response. Renji still looked immensely interested in the floor.

“How…? What…?” Shuuhei wasn’t sure which question to ask first, so he settled for the most complex one, “Why?”

Renji and Kira exchanged a look, before Kira sighed and said,

“We know you said not to follow you, and we kept everyone away. The Twelfth and Eleventh were all for dragging you back and we appealed with Muguruma Taichou and Shinji Taichou and the other Captains and they were on our side. We waited. We waited all this time Hisagi-san, but…”

Kira stopped unsure how to tell his friend, “…but…well… Hisagi-san, he’s dying, Muguruma Taichou. He needs you, his hollow is calling out for you. You can feel it across most of Seretei. His reiatsu hangs like a cloud around the fourth. It’s so bad they’ve had to move some of the weaker members away from him, they were fainting all over the place…but it started to get weaker and weaker, like he was pining for you rather than screaming…Shuuhei he needs you back. Shinji Taichou sent us, to make sure you come back for him…because if you don’t…well there won’t be anything for you to go back to…”

Kira trailed off again watching a look of despair cross his friends face. It hurt to see his eyes turn sullen and scared. It was upsetting to see a man he looked up to so much, so disturbed.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Rei put her hand on Shuuhei’s arm and said softly, “Now you’ve got to go do to him what I did to you…”

He furrowed his brow and looked at her carefully, as Rei took his face in her hands, stroking his cheeks gently and whispered, “You have to go back. You can’t avoid it, so don’t be afraid, off anything. He’ll be alive when you get there; he’s waited and held out this long Shuu, he’ll wait a little longer.”

Rei pulled her friend into a hug and whispered into his ear, “Don’t forget what I said.

She was crying again as she pulled away from her friend. Rei knew she had to go quickly, so Shuuhei wouldn’t try to find an excuse to stay in her world for longer than necessary. She looked at Renji and nodded.

The red haired man stood up and unsheathed his sword,

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Warmth, like the sun on her face and something ticking her cheeks, those were the first things Rei could feel as she awoke. Grass; it was grass touching her face, and there really was sunshine. It wasn’t raining anymore. She smiled and lay there, feeling content, at ease, at peace.


	19. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last one. It's taken me too long to get these all posted Enjoy. R

“Have you heard they’ve found a replacement for Momo in the Fifth?” Kira asked the group of friends surrounding him.

“It still seems odd to think of her in the Fourth…” Rangiku replied.

“Does it? Makes perfect sense to me…” Renji said with a yawn, “She was never quite the same fighter after the War, she was less….”

“Stable?” Shuuhei filled in, watching his friends carefully.

A small nod went around the table. The news that the lieutenant of the Fifth had moved to take the third seat of the Fourth was not new, however, for the last few months the Fifth had been without a Lieutenant and Shuuhei had seen that it had started to take its toll on Shinji. He’d been seen a lot less than usual around the Ninth and the Third’s barracks. He was tired, he’d become reclusive. Shuuhei had gone over to the Fifth a few times with Kensei to help with the paperwork and day to day running of the squad when Shinji was needed elsewhere or when it had just got too much.

“So who is it?” Renji asked, looking at Kira.

“I didn’t catch a name. I’d overheard Otoribashi-sama telling Shunsui-Taichou, but she’s the third seat from Seventh Squad. Apparently she’s been in there since she left the academy a few hundred years ago, she’s worked her way up and Komamura-Taichou put her name forward for the position.”

“Good news travels fast in Seireitei, wouldn’t you say Kensei?”

Kira winced at the airy voice of his Captain. This action caused Kensei to grin at Shuuhei, who smiled in return. Shuuhei tilted his head, as a way of telling Kensei to sit with them. He took the hint and walked around the table, pulling up a cushion for himself and Rōjūrō.

Shuuhei looked at Kensei expectantly, as did every other person around the table.

“What?” Kensei snapped looking around.

Shuuhei chuckled, “Well what do you know about the Fifth’s new Lieutenant?”

“Oh, not much to be honest, well not much more than you, I wasn’t particularly paying attention when she was brought before the captains.”

Rōjūrō snorted, “She’s powerful, certainly more than Shinji’s last Lieutenant.”

Kensei snickered and added, “And Komamura’s current one…”

“Kensei…” warned the Third Division Captain, before he continued, “You’ll meet her tomorrow, when she’s fully initiated into her position as Gobantai Fukutaichou.”

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

A young woman was pacing up and down outside the doors of the First Division meeting room. She was supposed to wait until someone called her in, but her nerves had started to get the better of her. She knew what was coming, who was in there. She shook her head and sighed in frustration.

She walked over the edge of the veranda and looked out over the Seireitei. It was odd to think that she was here now: for her it was anyway. She knew what awaited her; she knew the job she was undertaking. It wasn’t that she was frightened, rather that she was expectant.

“They will receive you now.” a voice came from behind her and she nodded to the young man.

She adjusted the sleeves of her shihakusho and her Zampaktou, which was tied by an obi at her waist. As the doors to the meeting room opened she took a deep breath and awaited her fate.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

As the doors opened every pair of eyes in the room looked towards the young woman walking towards the lines of Captains and Lieutenants. Renji took in her figure and her face. She was healthier, taller but her hair was the same shade of black, her eyes were still grey, but not sunken and haunted. Renji looked to Kira who was wearing a worried look.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

He couldn’t believe it. Shuuhei couldn’t believe what he was seeing. He could hear people talking, suggesting the ceremony was beginning, but it couldn’t be. She was lost, out there in Rukongai; she was lost waiting for him to find her. It couldn’t be…

“State your name.” Yamamoto Soutaichou said, snapping Shuuhei out of his thoughts.

“Otsuka Rei.”

There was her name, her voice. It was her eyes he’d seen as she walked it, her figure, and her hair. It was her. She was here. She was all right.

She’d made it.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

She spoke her name, hoping that her voice didn’t quiver with nervousness. She could feel three specific pairs of eyes trained on her.

She could feel him there. His presence, his Reiatsu enveloped her and made her feel safe. Like she used to feel.

The safety numbed her to the ceremony going on around her. She spoke when she was supposed to, but she didn’t listen too much, she just allowed her reiatsu to flow gently towards Shuuhei, hoping it would make him understand that everything was okay. That she was okay.

 “Otsuka Rei, you may now take your place as Gobantai Fukutaichou!” She jumped as the Head Captain spoke, banging his stick on the ground in an authoritative manner.

She bowed to him and took her place behind Shinji, smiling as she felt Shuuhei’s eyes follow her.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

After the meeting had reached its conclusion, with some other formal matters being attended to, while the squad Division leaders were all together, the gathered Captains and Lieutenants filed out.

Rei stuck to Shinji’s side, unsure about what to do. She had felt Shuuhei watching her through the rest of the meeting. But he didn’t know she remembered, he hadn’t known she knew who he was, he hadn’t known she’d gone through the Academy. All she had was a link from 250 years ago, holding them together.

Some of the Lieutenants had formed a group outside the meeting room. Shuuhei and the other two she recognised, Renji and Kira, were stood talking to a tall, busty red head and a small woman with dark hair and glasses. She swallowed, thinking hard about her position.

Should she go over? Should she leave?

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Shuuhei felt sick with nerves. He was stood in a group, half listening to the chatter of his friends, half focused on the confused looking woman stood near them. As Rangiku started speaking to Nanao and Kira rather animatedly about a night out she was planning, Renji leaned in and whispered, “Go say hi.”

Shuuhei looked at him incredulously, “I can’t, what if she doesn’t remember?”

“It is possible, but imagine if she does remember and you don’t go over…”

Shuuhei looked at Renji, horrified that Rei might think like that. How could he not care? She was his friend. She’d saved him from himself. She’d taught him how to feel whole again, she was the reason he’d come back, because she’d fixed him…

Shuuhei steeled himself and left Renji’s side. He walked over to Rei, who was stood leaning on the fence of the veranda.

He didn’t know what to say, he couldn’t just say hi, he needed to say something that showed he still cared after 250 years.

“We’re always looking for ways to ease the pain.” ha said as he remembered what she had said to him the day he came home. “Sometimes we ease the pain by making the best of what we have… sometimes it’s by losing ourselves in the moment… and sometimes… sometimes Rei, all we need to do to ease the pain is: call a simple truce”

She turned to look at him and he met her eyes and smiled, “Do you remember telling me that?”

She smiled at him gently, “I was dying. How could I forget? I left you that day. I left you all alone… I’m sorry Shuu…”

He put his arm out and pulled her into a hug, “It’s okay; you made me see I was ready to go home, and that I was all right to acknowledge the pain. You sent me back to Kensei, who needed me. You fixed me, so you don’t need to apologise. You never need to apologise.”

She nodded into his shoulder and hugged him back; breathing in his smell, allowing herself to relax after all their time apart.

“You can let me go know. People are staring.” She said giving Shuuhei a playful shove.

“So? Let them. It’s been a long time.” Shuuhei replied scowling.

“It has and I don’t mind too much, but when one of them is Shinji and the other is Kensei-Taichou I think we need to stop.” She replied giving him a disapproving look. He raised an eyebrow at the subtle idea that Shinji might be bothered by their actions, but chose not pursue it. He looked up towards Kensei and smiled, gesturing for him to come over.

“Kensei, this is Rei. The one I’ve been searching for.”

Rei frowned a little at the thought of him looking for her, but then met Kensei’s eyes and her frown was well and truly beaten.

“You’re the one that sent him home?” he asked gruffly, folding his arms.

“Well… I… er…” Shuuhei laughed at her inability to speak.

“Yes Kensei, she’s the reason I came home.” Kensei looked her up and down, holding out a hand,

“Then I have to thank you for sending him back to me.” She took his hand and smiled,

“I really don’t think I did that much… all I did was stop him freezing to death and then die on him… I really didn’t do much… I sometimes wondered whether I’d done more damage than good…”

“You did good kid. At least I think you did.” Kensei said with a small grin.

She looked up at Shuuhei and grinned, “Maybe I did.”


End file.
